CALLIOPE: As we enter the final countdown to the wedding, we will be spending time with our two goddesses separate from each other. Absence, as they say, makes the heart grow fonder and nothing leads to gushing about your betrothed quite like being around friends.
Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.
We will begin our countdown with Hephaestus. She has just finished transporting the last of the materials from her forge to her new home– with Dionysus and Hermes’ help, of course.
DIONYSUS: Remind me why we agreed to help you move boxes of metal?
HEPHAESTUS: Because you love me? I believe it’s because you love me. Right, Hermes?
HERMES: Hmm I’m starting to question that now.
HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) Come on, you babies, the boxes weren’t that heavy. If anything, Dipper did most of the hard work, didn’t you Dipper?
DIPPER: (bear noises)
HEPHAESTUS: That’s right, you are the best little worker around. And you didn’t complain once! Unlike some gods I know.
DIONYSUS: I’m a wine god, Phae. Wine, revelry, all that fun stuff. I don’t make a habit out of lifting boxes of metal, let alone organizing those boxes into whatever order you requested. This is not the kind of physical labor I am used to, Phae. The only thing I’m typically lifting is another person and that’s only for brief periods of time.
HERMES: Have you lifted Apollo? I feel like you shouldn’t be able to lift Apollo, he’s all muscle-y and stuff.
DIONYSUS: And I’m not? Look at these arms, Hermes! I just lifted all of those boxes!
HERMES: Okay, sure, but he’s muscle-y in a different way than you are and you know that.
DIONYSUS: I have lifted Apollo, though he’s usually the one lifting me, if you catch my drift.
HEPHAESTUS: And we’re cutting that conversation off right there, thank you! Your point has been made, Di; I won’t ask you for help moving again. And that definitely has nothing to do with the fact that I will likely never be moving again.
DIONYSUS: Well, just know that if I ever move you will be helping me and you will be carrying cats. They don’t like to be moved like that. The scratches will be a comparable pain to the pain in my arms right now.
HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) Actually I’m circling back: there’s no way in hell you picked up Apollo if you’re complaining about carrying some iron and copper. Absolutely no way, that man is sculpted out of marble and probably just as heavy.
HERMES: I hate to say it, Dion, but I’m also kind of skeptical.
DIONYSUS: You know what, let me just–
HEPHAESTUS: Woah!
CALLIOPE: Dionysus lifted his best friend into a bridal carry, both of them laughing as he spun her around.
DIONYSUS: Can’t pick up Apollo my ass. If I can lift you, I can lift him.
HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) Alright! Alright! Put me down before you break something in my forge. (feet hit the floor) So I guess lifting all of those boxes wasn’t too much of a strain on you after, all huh? Hopefully I’ll be able to make carrying Aphrodite look that easy when I do it.
HERMES: Are you getting excited for the wedding then?
HEPHAESTUS: I think I’ve been excited this whole time, even if there are still days that I worry about it happening. Now that my dress has arrived and I’ve tried it on, it’s starting to feel a lot more real than it had been.
HERMES: Did Athena do your dress or did you go to Arachne?
HEPHAESTUS: Athena did it, yeah. I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone other than him, especially given how things originally went with Arachne. Can you imagine if I got turned into a spider before my wedding?
DIONYSUS: It would be the ultimate form of ‘would you still love me if I was a worm’!
HERMES: I’d like to think Aph would still love you if you were a spider.
HEPHAESTUS: I’m not going to risk anything to find that out.
HERMES: I mean, he did turn Arachne back into a person.
DIONYSUS: And married her. So I don’t think he would be that offended if you went to his wife for your wedding dress.
HERMES: I mean it would be kind of rude of him if he was.
HEPHAESTUS: Well, we’re past the point where he could do anything to me since I got my dress from him so it hardly matters.
HERMES: Okay so you have your dress, you have your rings– which, by the way, the rings you made for Ares and I are stunning. I wasn’t expecting him to propose again the same day I wanted to, but it was a nice moment.
HEPHAESTUS: Oh trust me, I know exactly how you feel. I still can’t believe Dite managed to propose to me without me knowing– and had me make the ring for it as well! I thought it was for my mom since Poseidon placed the order but– Gods I just love Aph so much.
DIONYSUS: (teasing) We know, it’s all you talk about.
HEPHAESTUS: (teasing) Oh shut up.
DIONYSUS: How are your mom and Poseidon anyway? Still together?
HEPHAESTUS: Married, actually.
DIONYSUS + HERMES: What?
HEPHAESTUS: Yeah, I guess they just… Decided to go for it. He makes my mom really happy though so I can’t be upset. She deserves that after everything with Zeus.
HERMES: I’m glad to hear she’s moving on and happy. When I found out about Demeter, I wanted to wring Zeus’s neck but Hera told me not to. She was so defeated back then.
HEPHAESTUS: But she’s not now.
DIONYSUS: Well, I propose a toast then!
HERMES: Where did you get the wine from? And the glasses?
HEPHAESTUS: It’s his favorite party trick, just roll with it.
DIONYSUS: To Hera! May she live happily outside of Zeus’s control. And to Hephaestus–
HEPHAESTUS: Di–
DIONYSUS: –My best friend and sister. May she always have the happiness she deserves, always.
HERMES: Cheers!
HEPHAESTUS: You’re a big sap, you know that?
DIONYSUS: Just for you, Phae. You’re the only family I have outside of the cats; I have to be sappy with you, it’s my job.
HEPHAESTUS: I love you, Di.
DIONYSUS: I love you too.
CALLIOPE: For our last scene of the day, we will follow Hephaestus back to the beach and the home that Hera and Poseidon have built together. She finds her mother and Poseidon sitting in the sand by the water, not noticing her approach.
POSEIDON: –But yeah, I do feel pretty bad for everything that happened with Odysseus. Getting lost at sea and having all of your crew die wasn’t… It was a Zeus move and I can never apologize enough for it.
HERA: Have you gone to see him in Elysium?
POSEIDON: Not yet, no. Before, I didn’t feel like I should but now… Would you go with me?
HERA: Of course I would, Si. (pause) Oh! Phae, you’re here! Come, sit, the water is the perfect temperature right now.
HEPHAESTUS: What are you two doing out here?
HERA: Just enjoying the freedom of the water. It’s something I don’t think I’ll ever get used to but I love it so much. The open sky, the endless sea, my daughter on one side of me, my husband on the other… I love it.
POSEIDON: The whole world feels a little cramped in Olympus, doesn’t it?
HERA: My whole life felt a little cramped before I got here.
HEPHAESTUS: Olympus isn’t so bad if you’re with the right people.
POSEIDON: You moved in with Aphrodite and Ares, right? And Hermes?
HEPHAESTUS: Yup. Just finished moving the stuff from the forge over a couple days ago. Speaking of: the sea glass rings are lovely, but do you want something a little sturdier?
HERA: They’re magically reinforced. Won’t break on us, I promise.
HEPHAESTUS: Well, if not rings then maybe–
HERA: (laughing) Fine, you can make us wedding daggers.
POSEIDON: Wedding daggers?
HERA: Daggers are her specialty.
HEPHAESTUS: And I already made them! (rustling) I figured the sea glass on the rings would be magically reinforced, which meant that it could be magically reinforced on the daggers too.
CALLIOPE: The daggers in question had a mosaic of sea glass curling around the hilt, smooth to the touch and shimmering in the light of the sun. The blades were bronze, Poseidon and Hera’s names etched on both blades with a heart around it.
HERA: Oh, Phae, these are beautiful.
HEPHAESTUS: I’m glad you think so. I… Maybe take a closer look at the hilt? On yours specifically, Poseidon.
POSEIDON: (warily) Alright… (shocked in a good way) Oh!
CALLIOPE: There was one more etching on Poseidon’s dagger. Hidden amongst the sea glass was a single word: dad.
POSEIDON: Hephaestus, I…
HERA: I’ll give the two of you a minute alone. Come inside whenever you’re ready.
(footsteps)
POSEIDON: Your mother was right, it’s a beautiful dagger. But the engraving–
HEPHAESTUS: I know what you’re going to say. It’s going to be something about ‘not deserving this’ or ‘are you sure’ and the answer is yes. I… You make my mom so happy. She’s smiling and laughing and living for the first time in my life and that’s because of you. There has never been anyone I’ve trusted so much with my mom’s heart. And if I can trust you with that, I can trust you with my own. (small laugh) Besides, I’ve never had a dad before, not really. If you’re open to it, I’d like it to be you.
POSEIDON: You really trust me that much?
HEPHAESTUS: You haven’t given me a reason not to.
POSEIDON: Historically I haven’t been the best dad. I don’t like who I was back then, back when being like Zeus was something to strive for rather than something to fear. There are plenty of demigods bearing my parentage, and I don’t know most of them. Are you sure this is what you want to align yourself with?
HEPHAESTUS: I exist because my mom wanted a baby so badly that the universe decided to provide one. She’s the only parent I’ve ever known, and despite her best efforts she wasn’t always the best either. Most of that was Zeus’s fault, but I still ended up being thrown off a mountain as a baby. I still ended up being ostracized by the whole of Olympus. And my mother couldn’t do anything, couldn’t help me even if she wanted to. I say all of this because I think you have the wrong idea about me– and about my mom. You don’t need to be the perfect dad, the perfect husband, the perfect person. You just need to be you and we’ll love you for as long as you let us. And given that you married my mom, I’m gonna hazard that it’ll be a pretty long time. (pause) You don’t have to say yes to anything you’re not comfortable with, I’m not going to force you into letting me call you dad if you’re not comfortable with it. But the option is there. (rustling) Here, I made another dagger without the engraving, just in case.
POSEIDON: …You really mean all of that, don’t you?
HEPHAESTUS: I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.
POSEIDON: And you don’t worry at all that I’ll end up being another Zeus? That I’ll one day flip and make your mom’s life hell for centuries?
HEPHAESTUS: Why would I worry about that?
POSEIDON: I’m his brother–
HEPHAESTUS: So is Hades. And he loves his wife more than anything else in this world.
POSEIDON: (laughing) You’re so much like your mom.
HEPHAESTUS: She’s told me the same thing about me and you.
POSEIDON: If the offer is still open, I’d love to be your dad.
HEPHAESTUS: (teasing) Actually, the offer has been rescinded due to your hesitation. (soft [emotion]) I’ve never had a dad before.
POSEIDON: I hope I live up to your expectations.
HEPHAESTUS: You already have.
CALLIOPE: The two made their way back inside together, Hera looking up at them with a fond smile as they entered.
HERA: So did things go okay or do I need to go pack a bag?
HEPHAESTUS: As if I’d ever make you leave the one person who makes you happy.
HERA: I’ll have you know two people make me happy, and you were the first one to do so, Phae. So, answer honestly: how did it go?
HEPHAESTUS: I have a dad now.
HERA: Yeah?
POSEIDON: Yeah. I… I don’t know why she’s choosing this, but yeah.
HERA: Perhaps it’s because you’re wonderful.
POSEIDON: I think it’s actually because I love you.
HEPHAESTUS: Yeah, definitely that one.
CALLIOPE: Hera laughed, leaning into her husband’s embrace. Without a second thought, Poseidon extended a hand to Hephaestus, pulling her in between himself and Hera. For the first time in her life, Hephaestus was being held by her parents– and what a wonderful thing that was. It is with this image that we shall say goodbye for today, dear listeners. When next we speak, we shall be following Aphrodite in the lead up to the wedding. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.
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