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CALLIOPE: With Hermes and Hephaestus both getting married so soon, it makes sense that we would check in on the other member of their little trio; after all, even the god of revelry gets lonely sometimes.

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.

We will start once again in Dionysus’s bedroom, Apollo laying in our god of wine’s arms as they chatted about anything and everything.

DIONYSUS: And obviously I’m not going to say no to the little guy. He just wanted some food after all, and I can’t resist the cats around here so now little Baby Guinness is part of the hoard of cats that comes and goes from the house. Look, I took some pictures of him–

APOLLO: Di?

DIONYSUS: (cautious) Is everything alright?

APOLLO: I… Are you alright?

DIONYSUS: Why wouldn’t I be? Did you not hear me talking about Baby Guinness?

APOLLO: (small laugh) No, I did, I just… Maybe it’s just me being silly. Forget it–

DIONYSUS: Hey, no, Pollo I’m sure it’s not silly. If I’m doing something that’s worrying you, then you need to tell me.

APOLLO: It’s not that you’re worrying me, it’s– I’m worried about you. And probably for no reason, I know that you’re more than happy with what we’re doing and how you experience relationships but I just… Your two best friends are going to be getting married. They’re getting married and that’s a big change for everyone involved, you included. I guess I just… wanted to make sure that you’re not feeling abandoned or anything like that.

DIONYSUS: Oh. 

APOLLO: See, it was silly–

DIONYSUS: Pollo, really, it’s not silly; it’s actually something that Phae and I have talked about before. When she and Aph first got together it was… rough. I was worried about my place in Hephaestus’s life and that I’d be left behind, but I wasn’t. You should’ve seen Aph when I dared to insinuate that Phae might prefer to reschedule our brunch instead of leaving her new girlfriend. There’s never going to be a level of competition for affection there, not with Aphrodite and Ares being the partners in question. If anything, those two will actively be encouraging friend time. I’m happy for Hermes and Hephaestus, genuinely I am, and I trust them enough to keep me in their lives.

DIONYSUS (CONT.): You’re right, though. It is strange to think about. I’m not… I’m happy with my life. I have my friends, I have my cats, (teasing) I have you and the fantastic sex we’ve been having–

APOLLO: (laughing) Di–

DIONYSUS: If you had asked a couple years ago, my answer probably would’ve been different. I probably would’ve been more worried about it, even with Phae trying to reassure me. Would’ve been fully convinced I was going to be left behind and forgotten, no one but my cats to care that I’m here. But now… I don’t know what changed. Maybe nothing changed at all. All I know is that I feel okay with where I am.

APOLLO: I’m glad to hear that, Di. I really am. (pause) You and Arte are a lot alike in that way. When I told her that I was worried she thought I was leaving her behind, she was so quick to dismiss that idea. It was like she hadn’t thought about that as a possibility, and neither did you; I wish I could be like that. I’m always worried that I’m going to be left behind. Arte may not want to get married but she could still choose to leave on a hunt and never come back for me. We’re having fun now, but you could get bored of me and leave me behind. I’ve never been as close to Aphrodite as Arte has and I don’t know Hermes and Hephaestus like you do. With everything that’s going on, I guess I projected my fears onto you. 

DIONYSUS: I get it, Apollo. I really do. But you can trust me when I say that you’re not gonna be left behind. Even if we stop doing this, we’re still good friends. That’s kinda what ‘friends with benefits’ means; gotta have the friend part for it to really work. 

APOLLO: You’re right, I know you are. It’s just… Weird, you know? I’ve known Aph for a really long time now and this is a big change for her. I guess I’m just hoping that I survive all the change that’s coming.

DIONYSUS: Change can be good. It can also be bad. Either way, you’ll have people by your side through it, okay?

APOLLO: Thanks, Di. (pause) So tell me more about Baby Guinness.

DIONYSUS: (excited) He’s been coming by every few days now, seems to be getting along with the other cats (conversation fades out)

CALLIOPE: It would hardly be fair to talk to one twin without talking to the other, don’t you think? We shall shift our focus to Ares and Aphrodite’s home, Artemis and Aphrodite sitting at the table together.

ARTEMIS: So how are you feeling about all of this?

APHRODITE: Honestly? I’m just excited at this point. Yeah, the planning will be annoying, but I’m marrying someone I love. That’s… you know I didn’t think this would happen. I thought for a while that if I was really demi, I would’ve fallen in love with Ares because there’s never been anyone I had a closer bond with. 

ARTEMIS: Okay, but you know that’s bullshit, right? Just because you have a strong bond doesn’t mean it’s a romantic one. Did someone tell you that? Do I have to go and fire some arrows–

APHRODITE: (laughing) Relax, Arte, no one told me that specifically. The thought just popped into my head one day and I thought maybe I had been wrong. I wasn’t, as it turns out, but I thought it for a little bit.

ARTEMIS: I’m glad you found someone, Dite. (joking) And I’m glad that it wasn’t Ares. I know, I know, I was wrong about him and all of that but come on we both know you can do better than him. You’ve done better than him. (pause) But mostly I’m glad it wasn’t Ares because this means Hermes gets to have his happy ending.

APHRODITE: You knew about Hermes and Ares?

ARTEMIS: (snorting) I’m aromantic, not blind. You could see the heart eyes on that boy from a mile away. Did you never notice it?

APHRODITE: I always kind of suspected, but up until recently I wasn’t exactly close with Hermes. We were friendly, of course we were, but it wasn’t until he and Ares started dating that we became friends. By the time I knew enough about him to look and see if he was in love with my best friend, they were already dating.

ARTEMIS: (laughing) Yeah, I guess that would give it away, huh? (pause) He’s been into Ares for a long time. I’m glad Ares finally got his head out of his ass and realized what was right in front of him all along. Not that you’re not great, Aph, but you didn’t love him. And despite knowing that, it felt like he never bothered looking for anyone else.

APHRODITE: I don’t know if it’s that he didn’t look for someone else or if it was that we were kind of content in our friendship. Why try to find a romantic partner when you can just hang out with your best friend? 

ARTEMIS: And then you both stumbled head first into feelings, huh? 

APHRODITE: (fondly) Yeah, I guess we did. And now we’re both getting married to people we actually want to get married to. Who would’ve thought?

ARTEMIS: What was it like? Being married to Ares, I mean. It’s not something I’ve ever really thought about so I guess I’m curious what makes that marriage different from your upcoming one.

APHRODITE: Being married to Ares was just like being friends with him– we’d hang out, talk about anything and everything, try to train Dipper to do tricks, it was just… Normal Aph and Ares shenanigans. Nothing really changed except our titles to each other– from best friends to husband and wife. And that was fine! There are plenty of reasons to get married– hell, mortals do it for tax benefits sometimes. But I wasn’t in love with him and despite what you were worried about he wasn’t in love with me either. Being in love with Hephaestus… Gods, how do I even explain it? 

ARTEMIS: (teasing) Beats me. You’re asking the exact wrong person for that.

APHRODITE: (laughing) I know, I know. Let me think… You know the feeling of the sun on your skin and the dew in the air when you go out for your early morning hunt? That hum of excitement mixed with the warmth of the sun’s rays mixed with the calm that I know you get from being out in the woods. You know that feeling?

ARTEMIS: I know it very well.

APHRODITE: That’s what it feels like to be in love with Hephaestus. I feel warm and excited and perfectly content. 

ARTEMIS: (thoughtfully) Huh. When you explain it like that, I almost get what all the fuss is about. (pause) I’m glad she makes you feel like that Aph. 

APHRODITE: Me too.

CALLIOPE: There is one more place to visit, one more familiarly unfamiliar pair to speak with. We return to the forge once again, bringing Ares along with us as we go.

HEPHAESTUS: Congratulations on the engagement, by the way.

ARES: Thanks, you too. (pause) That was a weird thing to say, wasn’t it?

HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) I mean, it was applicable but you also congratulated me and Aph a lot the other day. Threw us a whole party and everything. 

ARES: I guess that’s fair. I’m– Gods, this is so stupid– I’m still not quite used to having interactions with people without either of them around. Dite was always there from the beginning and since me and Hermes got together… I just feel like one of them should be here to stop me from sticking my foot in my mouth.

HEPHAESTUS: You always manage to surprise me, you know that?

ARES: …In a good way, or…

HEPHAESTUS: Yeah, in a good way. You care about both of them so much, don’t you? In different ways, obviously, but it’s still baked into every fiber of your being, huh? (pause) I think we’re more alike than either of us thought.

ARES: Oh yeah?

HEPHAESTUS: Mortals get both of us wrong. They make you angry and violent and disrespectful, but you’re none of those things unless Zeus is talking shit. They make me out to be… Nobody, really. And for a while I thought that was true but it isn’t. We’re more than what our myths are, I guess that’s what I’m saying. And we both care deeply about the same people, would go to battle for them even if we wouldn’t go to battle for ourselves. 

ARES: Wow. You got me dead to rights. 

HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) I thought so. (pause) Here, I’ve done a couple tester ring designs and we can work from there. The first one is similar to what you got for Aph’s wedding– which, by the way, absolutely adorable that you both still keep it on you.

ARES: So she told you about that, huh? Yeah, it… I didn’t want to get rid of it, you did a beautiful job on it. And since me and Aph wouldn’t be living together anymore, I thought it would be nice to have a piece of her with me. 

HEPHAESTUS: Has she talked to you about that? The not living together thing?

ARES: Not recently. Why? Did something happen?

HEPHAESTUS: I just think it’s silly for you two to stop living together when you don’t want to. There are ways, magical and mundane, to expand your house to fit two couples in it. 

ARES: You’d… Want that? I know Olympus hasn’t exactly been kind to you, Phae–

HEPHAESTUS: Neither has being alone out here. I talked about it with Aph, told her I had been thinking of going back to Olympus already and that this… This seemed like it’d be good for both of us. For all of us.

ARES: I… I haven’t lived in a house without Aph in centuries. If I didn’t have to give that up… Are you sure you’d want that? I’m not saying no, I’m just asking you to really consider it before I put my heart into this idea and have it crushed.

HEPHAESTUS: I thought about it a lot before bringing it up with Aphrodite. I’m sure, Ares. The only thing I’m more sure of is that I love Aph. It’ll be different, unlike anything I’ve ever had before, but I think I need the change. I’ve changed so much without my life changing to keep up with me and I think I’m done with that. 

ARES: Well, if you’re sure then yes, Phae, that sounds– That sounds absolutely wonderful. I’ll have to ask Hermes, of course, but–

HEPHAESTUS: So, Aph may not have been the first person I ran this idea by.

ARES: (laughing) I take it he said yes?

HEPHAESTUS: If he had said no, I wouldn’t have asked either of you. If he wanted space for himself, just for you two, I wouldn’t have pushed. But he’s also lived alone for a long time and was looking for a change. Plus, since we can renovate the house we can still have our specific space without sacrificing living with each other.

ARES: Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been excited this whole time, for all of us, but knowing that I don’t have to stop living with my best friend? That’s a really good feeling. 

HEPHAESTUS: Just one more thing to be excited for, right? (pause) Okay, we should definitely look at the rings for real, though. I want to get started on those so you two have absolutely perfect rings for your wedding. If you look at this one (conversation trails off)

CALLIOPE: And that, dear listeners, is where we shall draw our episode to a close. We are halfway to the end, each step an inch closer to our final curtain call. I hope you enjoy this time we have remaining, dear listeners, and the stories that the gods have allowed me to tell you. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.