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CALLIOPE: Engagements call for engagement parties, do they not? Our lovely group of gods certainly thinks so. 

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.

While Aphrodite and Hephaestus were out getting engaged, Dionysus was helping the others sneak into Hephaestus’s home to set up a further surprise for the happy couple. 

ARTEMIS: Should I be concerned with how good you are at breaking and entering?

DIONYSUS: I haven’t broken anything yet so it’s just entering. And Phae is my best friend so is it really anything other than coming over for a secret visit?

ARTEMIS: If you try anything like this with our house I will shoot you.

APOLLO: She really will. Zero hesitation.

DIONYSUS: Relax, I only do this here because I know Phae won’t mind. And usually I go through the front door like a civilized person, but I know she locks her door before leaving and I promised I wouldn’t break her locks again by trying to pick them.

HERMES: Everything I learn about you fascinates me, Dion.

DIONYSUS: Festivity god, remember? Have to keep things fun and sometimes that involves doing party tricks involving locks. 

ARTEMIS: The mortals also consider you a god of ritual madness–

DIONYSUS: A misunderstanding I’m sure.

HERMES: Again: fascinating.

ARES: Sweetheart, can you help me hang the banner up?

DIONYSUS: Sweetheart, huh? You two are adorable. 

ARTEMIS: (faux annoyance) Can we save the sappy bullshit for when the actual engaged couple gets back?

CALLIOPE: This, my dear listeners, is where Ares and Hermes share a look. You know exactly the kind of look I’m talking about– one part suspicious, one part giddy, one part trying to be neither of those things. Before we get to their answer, we will move back in time a little bit.

ARES: Aph is gonna propose to Hephaestus!

HERMES: Oh really? That’s wonderful! 

ARES: Isn’t it just? (pause) Do you ever think about it?

HERMES: What?

ARES: Marriage. Do you ever think about it?

HERMES: Sometimes. Do you?

ARES: Sometimes.

CALLIOPE: The silence that fell between them was far more awkward than it typically would be for the two gods. They both pretended to busy themselves with other things, glancing over at each other surreptitiously.

HERMES: I mean–

ARES: I just think–

(both laugh)

ARES: We should talk about it, right? Before the awkwardness of it all smothers us?

HERMES: We probably should, yeah. (pause) You’ve thought about getting married?

ARES: (joking) I mean, I did tell you that before we got together. It was the conversation that made me realize I was in love with you after all. (more serious) It doesn’t have to be right now. It doesn’t have to be at any point! You might not even be talking about wanting to marry me–

HERMES: Who else could I possibly be talking about if not you, Air? Love of my life, remember? In love with you for ages now?

ARES: You could change your mind!

HERMES: But I didn’t. I won’t. 

ARES: (fondly) I know you won’t. I won’t either. (pause) For the longest time when I thought about getting married, it was this kind of… Formless, faceless figure standing across from me. Honestly even when I had feelings for Aph, it didn’t quite look like her in my dreams about marriage. Over time the image started getting clearer, but I still couldn’t place it– not until I realized it was you. Now when I picture getting married I see you smiling across from me, both of us crying because of course we are. I see you taking my hands in yours and promising me forever, rings of silver around both of our fingers. I see you, Hermes. Just you. Like you’re the only thing that could ever matter because you are the only thing that could ever matter. 

HERMES: How can I be the only thing that could ever matter when that’s clearly you? I didn’t even think about getting married for real until very recently. Back before we were a we, you were still the only person I could ever picture myself marrying and I thought that could never happen. So I decided not to picture it, not to make myself sad over what couldn’t be. I’d dream about it sometimes, though. About getting to dance with you at our wedding, holding you close to me as we laughed and whispered sweet words to each other, pretending no one else was watching. And then I’d wake up and the world wouldn’t be as lovely as the dream but you would be. It was only after you told me you loved me that the thought of marriage became something that felt real. And now we’re here.

ARES: Now we’re here. (pause) Marry me.

HERMES: (surprised) What?

ARES: Marry me. Please. I’d love for you to marry me.

HERMES: Ares–

ARES: You can’t say all of those lovely things and expect me not to propose to you on the spot. We can worry about rings and telling people and actual weddings later, but for now just. Marry me. 

HERMES: You really want that?

ARES: I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.

HERMES: (teasing) Technically you’re demanding, not asking.

ARES: Hermes, messenger of the gods and love of my life, will you marry me?

HERMES: It would be my honor.

CALLIOPE: Now that we have gotten you all up to speed, it is time to return to the present; Ares and Hermes’s eyes were locked on each other’s, a silent battle going on between them. It was, of course, Artemis who figured it out.

ARTEMIS: You didn’t.

ARES: Not on purpose!

ARTEMIS: How do you accidentally get engaged?!

APOLLO + DIONYSUS: You’re engaged?

HERMES: We got engaged on purpose but didn’t purposefully do it before Aph and Phae. It just kind of… Happened. 

DIONYSUS: We are so talking about this later but for now please pretend that you’re just normal boyfriends so we don’t ruin Aph and Phae’s moment.

ARES: Of course. We didn’t even intend on telling anyone, not yet anyway. Now that that’s out of the way, can we go back to hanging this banner up?

CALLIOPE: We will skip most of the party set up as it is fairly inconsequential when compared to the group hiding behind furniture as they hear two pairs of footsteps approaching the house. A twist of a doorknob and flick of the lights later, the cacophony of noise ensued. 

ARTEMIS, APOLLO, ARES, HERMES, DIONYSUS: (various iterations of ‘Surprise’ and ‘Congratulations’)

HEPHAESTUS: Gods how the fuck– Di did you break into my house again?

DIONYSUS: I didn’t break anything! Just entered!

APHRODITE: When did you guys even set this up?

ARES: You text me when you got here and we headed out shortly after. Had to have an engagement party ready for our best friends, right?

HEPHAESTUS: Did you know about this?

APHRODITE: Absolutely not. I told Ares I was here because we always text each other when we get places just in case we get kidnapped or something. 

HERMES: Is this… An actual fear of yours?

ARES: I mean, it doesn’t hurt to take precautions.

ARTEMIS: Could just carry a weapon with you at all times. Usually dissuades anyone from trying shit. The threat of getting shot full of arrows is typically more than enough. 

APOLLO: Perhaps we should focus on the actual point at hand and celebrate?

CALLIOPE: And celebrate they did, sharing cake and champagne and laughter late into the evening. At one point in the night, Ares pulled Hephaestus aside.

HEPHAESTUS: It’s a little late for a shovel talk if that’s what this is about. But I can promise I’m not going to hurt her. I love her too much for that.

ARES: I know you do, Phae, and this isn’t about that, trust me. It’s… Kind of awkward to ask at your engagement party, though.

HEPHAESTUS: On a scale of one to finding Dionysus passed out in my bushes on the night we met, how bad is it?

ARES: (laughing) Okay, it’s not that bad, but I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to take the spotlight off of the two of you. I can always come by tomorrow, but I figured you’d want to maximize your time with Aph and–

HEPHAESTUS: Take a breath, Air. Just tell me what’s going on.

ARES: So me and Hermes… Kind of got engaged?

HEPHAESTUS: (excited) What?!

ARES: We were talking about Dite proposing to you and that turned to us talking about marriage and, well… I couldn’t help myself. I had to ask him to marry me because there was never going to be a moment that fit better than right then. It was messy and unplanned but so were we and it felt right. 

HEPHAESTUS: Gods, Ares, I’m so happy for you two! Do the others know?

ARES: Dite doesn’t, not yet, but everyone else does. It kinda slipped while we were setting up. Arte made a joke about us saving the sappiness for the actual engaged couple and she saw right through us. 

HEPHAESTUS: Oh Aph is gonna kill you for being the last one to find out, I hope you know that.

ARES: I’ve already accepted my death, don’t worry. (pause) I did come to tell you first for a reason though.

HEPHAESTUS: Hit me.

ARES: I was wondering if you’d be open to making rings for me and Hermes? Because we did this so out of the blue I didn’t have a ring for him, but he deserves one. He deserves the world, honestly, and I’m going to do my best to give it to him, but that’s besides the point.

HEPHAESTUS: I would be honored, Air. Genuinely honored. And I know you’re going to take such good care of him.

ARES: That’s the goal.

HEPHAESTUS: And you’re absolutely crushing it already. 

ARES: (small laugh) I won’t keep you any longer. Go and enjoy the rest of the party. And thanks, Phae. I really appreciate it.

APHRODITE: (teasing) What were the two of you talking about? You weren’t threatening my fiancee, were you?

ARES: (startled) Gods, Aph, where did you come from?

APHRODITE: Dionysus was teaching me how to sneak into the house. Not that I think I’ll need to, but I couldn’t turn down the chance at a little mischief when I saw the two of you had gone off to talk. So what was so important that you had to pull Phae away from the party?

ARES: Don’t be mad–

APHRODITE: Off to a great start.

ARES: –But Hermes and I kinda got engaged and everyone knows because it kinda slipped before you and Phae came back and now she’s going to make me and Hermes wedding rings.

APHRODITE: Oh.

ARES: We didn’t want to tell anyone before the two of you got engaged, I swear, and I wouldn’t have asked Phae about the rings now if I didn’t want to be able to give the two of you a couple of days by yourself and–

APHRODITE: Relax, Air, I’m not mad. I’m shocked, but not mad. I just… I can’t believe we’re both engaged again and to people we actually love. After everything that happened, I certainly wasn’t expecting this. We’re… We’re getting happy endings, I think. And I never saw that coming.

ARES: We deserve it though. Both of us. 

APHRODITE: Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. We deserve this. Both of us.

CALLIOPE: We shall take you now to the end of the night– after the last of the congratulations and hugs had been shared and the last guests left the house. Hephaestus closed the door, relishing in the feeling of turning the lock; as much as she loved her friends, she still wasn’t quite used to being around so many people for such significant amounts of time. But no matter, she wasn’t around a significant amount of people anymore. In fact, she was only around one person.

HEPHAESTUS: I still can’t believe this is real. 

APHRODITE: I honestly can’t either. I really thought the only wedding I’d ever have would be the one that Ares and I shared and now… Now we’re both getting a do-over with people that we love.

HEPHAESTUS: So that’s what took him so long to rejoin the party. I was wondering where he went since he seemed so insistent that we didn’t have to talk about the rings right at that moment. 

APHRODITE: (faux anger) I can’t believe I was the last to know. I told him about you immediately–

HEPHAESTUS: I told him you’d be pissed! Wait, didn’t you tell him after Di came over and you went home.

APHRODITE: …As immediately as I could given the situation. And this is how he repays me? See if I ever tell him anything again.

HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) Well, you’ll get to see the rings before he does, is that a good enough prize for you?

APHRODITE: (giddy) Definitely. Gods, I can’t wait to see Ares get a ring he actually wants– not to say he didn’t like the one you made for our wedding! He… He still wears it, actually. On a chain around his neck like he’s a widower. I’d make fun of it if it wasn’t so sweet.

HEPHAESTUS: Oh yeah? And what did you do with your ring?

CALLIOPE: Aphrodite pulled a thin silver chain from where it was hiding beneath her clothing, showing the ring that had been made into a necklace of her own.

APHRODITE: Air did it first! I was going to keep mine in a shadow box with a picture from our wedding, but… It’s nice having him near like this even when we’re apart. It’s like friendship bracelets to the extreme.

HEPHAESTUS: (teasing) Isn’t that what all wedding rings are?

APHRODITE: Oh hush you know what I mean. Air and I have lived together for ages and since we won’t be able to live together anymore, it’ll be nice to have a piece of him with me.

HEPHAESTUS: …Why not?

APHRODITE: Why not what?

HEPHAESTUS: Why can’t you two live together anymore?

APHRODITE: I mean, we’re getting married Phae. And so are Ares and Hermes. It’s not like we could all live together–

HEPHAESTUS: Again: why not?

APHRODITE: Would you really want to live with another married couple? Isn’t it supposed to be you get married, you move out with your spouse, no more roommates?

HEPHAESTUS: It can be like that, sure, but it doesn’t have to be. We’re not mortals, Aph, we don’t have to play by their rules. And we can always expand the house, give it a bit more privacy for either couple while also allowing us to have a shared living space.

APHRODITE: I… Hadn’t thought about that. But either way, Hermes wouldn’t leave Olympus proper and I’m not sure that I could either and–

HEPHAESTUS: So we don’t. We take you and Ares’s current house and just… Make it a house for all of us.

APHRODITE: You would come back to Olympus for me?

HEPHAESTUS: …I’ve been thinking about it for a little while now, actually. Now that I have so many people to support me and my mom’s no longer with Zeus… It feels like the perfect time to come back. To show that place that it didn’t beat me, that I’m still here, still standing, still me. Now that I have all of you, it feels lonely being out here on my own. I… I think I’d like to be back where all of you are.

CALLIOPE: The speed at which Aphrodite threw her arms around her fiancee cannot be overstated. Hephaestus almost toppled over from the force of it all, managing to stay on her feet but just barely. She buried her face in Aphrodite’s shoulder, squeezing the other goddess close to her chest.

APHRODITE: I’m so proud of you. You know that?

HEPHAESTUS: I… Thank you, Aph. I’m proud of me too.

CALLIOPE: There are still discussions to be had, of course, about living arrangements and houses and what is to come next. But for now, our two goddesses collapse into bed together, sharing sweet kisses that start to grow into something more, but we need not stick around for that part. Some things, as you know, are best left to the gods themselves. For now, I shall bid you farewell, dear listeners. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.