CALLIOPE: It’s the beginning of the end, my dear listeners. Or perhaps it’s the end of the beginning. Either way, we have reached the last chapter of this specific story. There will be other stories to tell, there always are, but this story has reached its natural conclusion. Everything that lies beyond it is for the gods and the gods alone.
Welcome, for the last time, to Forged Bonds.
We will start, as we were always meant to, with Aphrodite and Hephaestus. They have sequestered themselves into a small alcove in the house, taking a moment away from their friends and family to celebrate themselves.
APHRODITE: We did it.
HEPHAESTUS: We did. (teasing) Any regrets?
APHRODITE: No, never. (pause) Actually, yeah, but just one.
HEPHAESTUS: Oh?
APHRODITE: I regret not meeting you sooner.
HEPHAESTUS: Sap.
APHRODITE: It’s my wedding day! I’m allowed to be sappy.
HEPHAESTUS: Well, as your wife I suppose I’ll have to allow it since I also want to be sappy on my wedding day. Our wedding day. I love you.
APHRODITE: I love you too. And I’m so lucky to be married to you.
HEPHAESTUS: I think that’s my line, don’t you?
APHRODITE: Hmmmm nope, I don’t think so. I think I’m the lucky one here. Beautiful, incredibly kind wife with arms that could easily pick me up–
HEPHAESTUS: (giggling) I suppose there are some benefits to being the goddess of the forge. Though I didn’t realize you had a thing for my arms.
APHRODITE: I don’t know how anyone couldn’t have a thing for your arms, Phae. Like I said, I’m very lucky to be married to you. And not just for your arms, though they are a bonus. I went from marrying my best friend to marrying the love of my life– seems pretty lucky to me, don’t you think?
HEPHAESTUS: You do have that on me, I haven’t married my best friend yet.
APHRODITE: And you won’t get to, Di can’t have you.
HEPHAESTUS: Don’t worry, Dite, you’re stuck with me. Couldn’t get rid of me even if you wanted to.
APHRODITE: And I don’t want to.
HEPHAESTUS: I don’t want to either.
(footsteps, sounds of music coming through a door)
HEPHAESTUS: Shall we?
APHRODITE: Yeah, we should probably spend some time with the people we invited to our wedding.
CALLIOPE: Grabbing each other’s hands, the newly weds made their way back out into the yard where their friends and family were waiting. The chain metal aisle had been rolled up and put off to the side, tables brought out and set up beneath the canopy and a space for dancing cleared. Music seemed to be playing from nowhere at all– definitely Apollo’s doing. Before they could enter the yard fully, Dionysus held up a hand to stop them.
DIONYSUS: Ladies, gentlemen, those who are neither, bears in hats: please give your attention and cheering and all of that good stuff to Aphrodite and Hephaestus!
CALLIOPE: Despite being a much smaller crowd, our dear group of gods seemed twice as loud as the whole of Olympus had been upon the introduction of Ares and Aphrodite post their wedding. Perhaps it was because the joy was genuine, or perhaps it was because they knew all that had taken place to get here. Either way, the celebration was off to a raucous start.
DIONYSUS: (teasing) And they’re not even drunk yet. Imagine how loud it will be once they are.
HEPHAESTUS: Thank the gods for Hecate and Circe, I doubt we would be very popular if they hadn’t done something to reduce the noise.
DIONYSUS: It’s your wedding day, you should be allowed to be loud. The rest of Olympus should just have to deal with it.
APHRODITE: Have you ever known Olympus to ‘just deal’ with anything, Di?
DIONYSUS: Fair enough. I’d recommend getting some food in you while you still can– soon enough it’ll be speeches and dancing and me firing up the ambrosia fountain.
CALLIOPE: It’s customary for those in attendance to give their well-wishes to the happy couple, and it is often customary for specific friends and family members to make speeches. As dinner was being eaten, the speeches had begun; Hera, of course, was first to start.
HERA: I was blessed– quite literally– to have Hephaestus. I wanted a child to care for so badly and then there she was, in my arms, sleeping softly. When Zeus threw her off Olympus, I almost killed him. It’s my biggest regret in my life that I didn’t just take her and run, but I was scared. I almost lost my daughter to that fear, but in the end she taught me how to be brave. She taught me how to fight for myself and get away from what hurt me. She let me be her mother even when I hadn’t been able to do so for so long. I always dreamed I would get to see Hephaestus get married; I hoped beyond hope that I would get to perform her wedding blessing. And now I have. To my darling daughter: I wish nothing but happiness and light for you as you start this next phase of your life. And to my dear daughter in law: I hope this truly is the last wedding you have to have. You deserve to have your happy ending.
CALLIOPE: Given that they were the two most important people– outside of each other– in their lives, it only made sense that Dionysus and Ares would give speeches as well. However, in order to show you the maximum amount of the wedding we will be cutting between the speeches to show you conversations between the gods throughout the night. Hades and Persephone were the first to approach the happy couple.
HADES: Congratulations you two.
PERSEPHONE: It was a beautiful ceremony! And both of your dresses are absolutely stunning.
HEPHAESTUS: Thank you. And thank you for coming, I hope you know how grateful I am that you came.
HADES: As if we could miss out on our favorite niece’s wedding. Though I suppose we have two favorite nieces now, don’t we?
APHRODITE: It’s lovely to see you, Hades. Especially since there isn’t a Zeus that you need to deal with this time.
PERSEPHONE: Glad my mother isn’t here to cause any issues for anyone else this time.
HADES: It’s lovely to see you too, Aphrodite. And yes, beloved, I’m also very glad that Demeter isn’t here. Though I do think Hera wouldn’t have minded the company. It might stop her from sticking her tongue down my brother’s throat.
PERSEPHONE: They’re in love, Hades. Let them kiss.
HADES: Aphrodite and Hephaestus are also in love– we’re at their wedding– and I don’t have to watch either of them try to climb the other like a tree. I’m so happy for my brother and Hera but I also do not need to see certain things.
HEPHAESTUS: I mean, if you want me and Aph to be all over each other–
HADES: Anyway. Congratulations on your wedding, Phae. Seeing you become the woman that you are today has been the highlight of my life and I’m so glad I have gotten to see you get married to the person you love.
PERSEPHONE: You’ll take care of her, right Dite?
APHRODITE: Of course I will.
PERSEPHONE: And you’ll take care of Dite, right Phae?
HEPHAESTUS: As if you even have to ask.
PERSEPHONE: (giggling) You’re right. Either way, I hope your lives together are even more wonderful than your lives apart. You deserve that and more.
CALLIOPE: Before progressing to the second speech of the night, we will take a brief stop with Poseidon and Hephaestus. Aphrodite has gone to talk with Circe and Hecate, leaving Hephaestus alone for her father to approach.
HEPHAESTUS: Hey, dad! What did you think of the ceremony?
POSEIDON: It was beautiful. You are beautiful, I… I’m still so new to this whole ‘dad’ thing, but I want to say that I’m so proud of you and so happy for you. Historically I haven’t been a ‘speaks at the wedding’ kind of dad, but you make me want to try. You trusted me– both with your mom and with yourself– and I won’t ever forget that. Somehow I went from having no children I have contact with to two incredible daughters. I’m so happy for you, Phae.
HEPHAESTUS: (tearful) Thanks, dad. Honestly I never thought I’d be doing this either– especially not with a dad here. But you’ve made me and my mom’s lives a lot better. I’m really happy you’re here.
POSEIDON: I’m really happy to be here.
HERA: There you are! I was wondering where you snuck off to, Si.
POSEIDON: Just coming to give my congratulations to our daughter.
HERA: I tried to convince him he should do a speech, but he refused.
POSEIDON: I just didn’t think it was my place to say anything, you know? Besides, everything I wanted to say, I said to Phae right now. I love you, kid, you know that, right?
HEPHAESTUS: I know, dad. I love you too.
CALLIOPE: The next person to give a speech at the wedding was our dear god of wine and revelry himself. Dionysus always had a way of catching everyone’s attention, and this speech was no different.
DIONYSUS: I became friends with Hephaestus after getting gloriously drunk at a Solstice party, following her home like a lost puppy, and collapsing on her couch. She never once brushed me off or attempted to kick me out, simply letting me follow her back home like it was something we had done a million times before. After that day, it became something we did a million times. I like to joke that I pack bonded with Phae, but really I just forced her to adopt me as a brother. Because that’s what you are, Phae; you’re my sister and I love you more than words can express. You told me so many times that you didn’t think you’d ever get this– a wedding, a wife who loves you, friends and family who would be there for you no matter what. Most of the time you’d make it seem like you didn’t deserve this. I’m glad you finally realize that isn’t true. You deserve this more than anyone else I know– Sorry, Aph.
APHRODITE: It’s true!
DIONYSUS: (laughs before continuing) Part of me has always worried about being left behind. But you’ve always gone out of your way to assure me that that wouldn’t happen; we’ll always be family. So, dear sister, a million congratulations to you on your wedding! I hope your married life is full of all the love and joy you deserve. And to Aphrodite: welcome to our family. We are small but mighty and are so lucky to have you.
CALLIOPE: While Hephaestus was talking to her parents earlier, Aphrodite went from talking to Circe and Hecate to talking to Artemis and Apollo.
APHRODITE: Thank you both for coming! And for patrolling the barrier while we were getting set up.
ARTEMIS: I got to shoot two reporters in the shoulder and shoot my dad in the foot. I need absolutely no thanks for that, shooting Zeus in the foot was thanks enough.
APOLLO: I made sure she was using healing arrows, don’t worry.
ARTEMIS: Not the one I shot Zeus with. That one was real and he’ll just have to suffer through it.
APHRODITE: Were you aiming for the foot?
APOLLO: Of course she was. Have you ever known her to miss?
ARTEMIS: I wanted his walk back to be as unpleasant as possible. You should’ve seen when he bounced off the warding circle. He looked so incensed and then I shot him in the foot; a terrible day for him is an excellent day for me.
APOLLO: Congratulations, by the way. It was a beautiful ceremony– especially since this time it was all for real.
ARTEMIS: Yeah, it was lovely. Your vows definitely had Apollo tearing up.
APOLLO: Like you weren’t tearing up too!
APHRODITE: (laughing) I’m glad I could inspire tears. And don’t worry this will be the last of my weddings you’ll ever have to attend.
ARTEMIS: (joking) I’m gonna hold you to that.
APOLLO: Now you have to do a vow renewal some day. Just to piss off Artemis.
CALLIOPE: We’ll move on from this group to the moment just before Ares’s speech. Our dear god of war is currently in a bit of a spiral, hating all of the words that he had prepared for this moment.
ARES: It’s absolute garbage.
HERMES: I think it’s sweet!
ARES: No, it sounds too… Too scripted, too fake. It’s all things I mean but it doesn’t feel like me. But I don’t have time to rewrite it and I don’t feel like I can go out and say all of this so what do I do, Herm?
HERMES: Just make it up as you go along.
ARES: Are you kidding me? I’d ruin her wedding!
HERMES: Ares…
ARES: I– (sigh) …Do you really think I could do it?
HERMES: Of course I do.
ARES: Okay. Okay, yeah. I’m just gonna wing it.
HERMES: You’re going to do fine, Ares. She’s your best friend and you’ve married her before. Just… Speak from the heart, like you did at your wedding.
ARES: I wasn’t really speaking from my heart then. Well, I was and I wasn’t– a lot of that was for show.
HERMES: What would you have said if it wasn’t for show?
ARES: There are a lot of things I would’ve said.
HERMES: Say those now.
APHRODITE: You okay, Air? I’ve seen you pacing in this corner and nervously looking over at me for a little while now.
HERMES: He’s just worried about his speech. You know how he gets.
APHRODITE: You’re gonna do great, Air. I know it.
HERMES: That’s what I told him too. Come on, Aph. Let’s give him a moment alone so he can build his courage without either of us watching him. (pause, whispered to ARES) You can do this
ARES: (softly) I can do this.
CALLIOPE: This, as you might have guessed, brings us to our last speech of the night. Ares has taken his glass of sparkling wine and has gone to address the crowd, pre-written speech tossed to the side without a second thought.
ARES: When I first met Aphrodite, I thought she was the prettiest girl in the entire world.
HEPHAESTUS: And you were right!
ARES: (laughs before continuing) I never truly understood why she decided to become friends with me; most people see our domains as direct opposition to each other, after all, and it didn’t make sense that this beautiful goddess of love would want to spend any time with me. But she did. She spent time with me, became my closest friend in this entire universe. It was easy to fall in love with Aphrodite– not just because she’s the goddess of love but also because she’s just endlessly good. Her turning me down strengthened our friendship in a way you probably wouldn’t expect– after all, shouldn’t heartbreak ruin a friendship? But it just reaffirmed how much I wanted her in my life, in whatever form that took for us. She has been my best friend since that day she nominally broke my heart and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I had the fortune of being married to Aphrodite for a little while; because of this, I know Hephaestus is going to be twice the spouse I ever was. When your best friend tells you they’ve fallen in love with someone as kind and considerate as Phae, you do everything you can to make sure they get their happy ending. I’m honored to be standing here at their happy ending. To my oldest and dearest friend: congratulations on finding the love of your life. And to my newest but still just as dear friend: thank you for loving Aphrodite as she deserves to be loved. I hope you know how loved you are in return.
CALLIOPE: After the speeches and the moments in between, you might assume that we are finished with our tale. But, dear listener, you would be incorrect with that assumption; there is one more moment that the gods have deemed worthy to share with you. From the outside, a first dance seems just as it’s described: a dance. But for our two goddesses who are dancing under the light of the stars while their friends watch on with pride, it was a moment for a quiet conversation before the chaos of the reception kicked fully into gear.
HEPHAESTUS: I don’t know why I’m surprised you’re good at dancing. I saw you and Ares dance at your wedding and somehow I’m still surprised.
APHRODITE: (laughing) I had a very good teacher.
HEPHAESTUS: Oh yeah?
APHRODITE: (teasing) Yup, Dipper taught me everything I know.
(both laugh)
APHRODITE: I can’t believe you’re finally my wife.
HEPHAESTUS: Gods, are we going to be the sappy gays who melt over calling each other ‘wife’ from here on out?
APHRODITE: Of course we are. We both struggled a lot to get to this moment and I’ll be damned if I don’t get all the joy out of calling you my wife. Neither of us ever thought we’d get here; I’m going to make sure neither of us forget that we did.
HEPHAESTUS: (flustered) Oh. (regaining composure) Well, in that case my beautiful wife: what do you say we wrap up this dance so all of our friends can join us out here too.
APHRODITE: I’d say that sounds like a lovely idea. (pause) I love you.
HEPHAESTUS: I love you too.
CALLIOPE: That, my dear listeners, is where our story draws to a close. What lies beyond the confines of this tale belongs to the gods and gods alone. You might recall that when we began I told you there were many stories about the gods, not all of them true; you might also recall that I told you this one was more true than the others. The gods are far more human than you think they are, that’s why this story rings so true. They make mistakes, they make messes, they fall in love that doesn’t last, they do all of the things humans do. The story that has been laid out for you is true because at the heart of it is humanity and love. Love of friends, love of family, love of bears, love of romantic partners, love of this world that you are living in. I hope you have felt the love that was poured into every ounce of the gods’ stories for you; while they may end here, the love shared does not. It has been an honor to be your narrator through this story. Until the next story comes around– because, dear listeners, there are always stories to tell– I shall bid you farewell. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.
Home 