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CALLIOPE: At long last, the day has arrived for the wedding that was promised at the start of our story. You may recall, dear listeners, all of those months ago I told you this was the story of Aphrodite and Hephaestus, the more true version than the one you had been told. Because yes, dear listeners, they are in love. They are so in love that it can be felt in the garden as guests start to file in, it can be felt in the house where Aphrodite and Hephaestus are getting ready, it can be felt in every last heartbeat. 

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds. 

We will begin this glorious, love filled day with Hephaestus as she gets ready with the help of her mother and her best friend.

HERA: Oh, baby, your dress is gorgeous!

DIONYSUS: Yeah, Phae, this is beautiful! Not that I expected anything different, but still; Athena did a really good job.

HEPHAESTUS: I’m really happy with it. I can’t believe that we’re finally here; I’m actually getting married.

DIONYSUS: (teasing) You’re the only one who can’t believe it, I’m afraid. Everyone else around you knew this would be the case from the very start. 

HEPHAESTUS: (fondly) Oh shut up. Just because you always thought I’d get married eventually doesn’t mean that I thought I would. If Aph and Ares hadn’t been forced to marry each other, we might never have gotten here.

HERA: I’d like to think that the fates would’ve found their way to get the two of you together. They certainly found a way for me to get away from Zeus, even if it took far longer than I would’ve liked.

DIONYSUS: We really should’ve thought of an anti-Zeus barrier before now. It’s too late to put one around Olympus, but at least the house and the wedding are safely anti-Zeus. 

HERA: I doubt he’d try to come anyway. I think me refusing to remarry him finally made him realize that he can’t be inserting himself into everyone’s lives.

DIONYSUS: He asked you to remarry him? Really? 

HERA: I know, right? He really came all the way to my home, told my husband that he needed to divorce me so I could marry Zeus again, and tried to frame it as me having power rather than him getting his life back to a point of stasis. He tried to convince Si that I would be better off married to Zeus and that if he loved me he should let me go and all of that nonsense, but he didn’t. He stayed. (pause) I have known Aphrodite for a very long time. I know she would stay with you if put into a similar position.

HEPHAESTUS: You really think so?

HERA: Of course I do. She loves you, Phae. She loves you in a way that feels rare in its beauty even though it isn’t. She loves you like she wants you to be happy for the rest of your life and I trust that she will make you happy.

HEPHAESTUS: I want to make her happy too.

DIONYSUS: You already do. Trust me, I hear enough from Hermes to know that you definitely make her happy. And since you’re getting married today, it would be a little weird if you didn’t make her at least a little bit happy. Even if she only married Ares because she was forced to, she still loved him in her own way.

HERA: You two are going to have an incredibly happy life together. I can feel it in my very soul– and I’m the goddess of marriage, after all. If anyone would know, it’s me.

HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) Who am I to contradict my mother and the goddess of marriage? 

CALLIOPE: It is at this point that our sea god comes to join the fray.

POSEIDON: Knock knock. How are things going in here? Oh, Phae, you look lovely!

HEPHAESTUS: Thanks, dad. You cleaned up rather nicely too– I thought only Di could go from kinda okay to incredibly handsome.

DIONYSUS: Hey!

HEPHAESTUS: I’m teasing and you know that. You always look very put together, Di, even when you’re covered in cats.

DIONYSUS: The cats are very upset about a lack of invitation, you know.

HEPHAESTUS: The phrase for a difficult task is ‘like herding cats’ for a reason Di. I didn’t want to deal with that at my wedding and neither did you. Besides, I don’t know that they would get along with Dipper and he already got all dressed up.

POSEIDON: I take it Dipper is the bear in the bow tie and top hat?

HEPHAESTUS: Indeed he is. He’s Ares’s pet– saved him from a battlefield I think? As in Ares saved Dipper, not Dipper saving Ares.

POSEIDON: He is a very dashing little bear.

HERA: The top hat was a nice choice. Very distinguished.

DIONYSUS: I still think they should’ve gone with a little crown.

HERA: Maybe when Ares and Hermes get married they will. 

CALLIOPE: While Hera and Dionysus continued to discuss bear fashion choices, Hephaestus pulled Poseidon to the side.

POSEIDON: Is everything okay?

HEPHAESTUS: You’re, um. You’re going to walk with me and mom, right?

POSEIDON: You… Do you want me to?

HEPHAESTUS: Of course I do! Did the dagger not give that away? Mom’s going to be performing the whole ceremony, I have to get you involved somehow, right?

POSEIDON: You don’t have to–

HEPHAESTUS: But I want to. I want you to. Please?

POSEIDON: As if I could possibly say no. Of course.

CALLIOPE: We will now move our story to the same place our last wedding started: a bedroom with Ares and Aphrodite, Ares trying his best to do Aphrodite’s makeup.

ARES: (amused) You need to stop moving if you don’t want me to mess up your eyeliner.

APHRODITE: I know, I know, I’m just…

ARES: Fidgety. While I have a pencil by your eye. Truly the worst time to be fidgety. (pause) Getting excited, huh?

APHRODITE: Can you blame me? (pause) The last time we were doing this, you told me it wasn’t too late to run away. Now I can’t even imagine wanting to run away.

ARES: So maybe shaving our heads and disappearing into the mortal world wasn’t a good idea. I’m okay with admitting that, just this once, because it’s your wedding day. Ask me again tomorrow? I’ll tell you we should’ve left when we had the chance.

APHRODITE: (laughing) No you won’t.

ARES: (fondly) No, I won’t. Did you ever think we’d get here?

APHRODITE: Where?

ARES: ‘Happily ever after’ as the mortals like to say. Did you think we’d make it?

APHRODITE: You? Yes. Me? No.

ARES: Aph…

APHRODITE: It just wasn’t something I saw for myself. I know how to create love between others, never really bothered trying to do the same for myself– outside of trying to make myself fall in love with you, of course.

ARES: You tried to fall in love with me?

APHRODITE: Of course I did. You were my best friend and I knew you loved me, but I just… I couldn’t. I didn’t, not in that way. And if it wasn’t you, well… Who else would I ever get close enough to for it to be them?

ARES: And then we got engaged. And you met Hephaestus.

APHRODITE: Yeah. So no, I didn’t think we’d both hit ‘happily ever after’ but I’m really glad we’ve both made it here. Together, even if we’re not together. There’s no one else I would want helping me get ready for my wedding. 

ARES: (teasing) That isn’t what you said last time.

APHRODITE: (genuine) But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. There’s no one in the world I trust like I trust you.

ARES: You’re not supposed to be making me cry on your wedding day, you know. We aren’t even getting married to each other this time.

APHRODITE: If I’m going to be crying today, you can be damn sure I’m bringing you down with me.

(both laugh)

APHRODITE (CONT.): Thank you for doing this.

ARES: You don’t have to keep thanking me. We’re best friends; this is what we do.

APHRODITE: Well, I’m going to thank you anyway. And when it’s your turn to get married, I’m going to do this for you and you’re going to make me cry. And you’ll thank me, to which I’ll say it’s unnecessary, but you’ll insist anyway. 

ARES: Just like you’re doing right now?

APHRODITE: Just like I’m doing right now. 

ARES: Well, since it’s not my wedding day yet, I’m going to keep the focus on you. Have you seen Phae’s dress?

APHRODITE: No, and she hasn’t seen mine yet either. We wanted to do the whole ‘seeing each other for the first time during the ceremony’ thing– if we didn’t want that, she’d be here helping me get ready. The only reason we helped each other get ready for our wedding was because you and I didn’t care about seeing each other. 

ARES: I do think this is a much nicer dress than the one you had for our wedding. It’s a lot more… you. The last one was so minimalistic that I was convinced Zeus picked it out.

APHRODITE: He did. Couldn’t take any spotlight away from himself, of course.

ARES: (laughing) Man, fuck that guy.

APHRODITE: Anti-Zeus wards still holding up?

ARES: Still holding strong! Though I did see Apollo and Artemis patrolling the barrier once Di and Poseidon went to help Hephaestus get ready. You think she’s almost set?

APHRODITE: I can text Hera–

(knocking)

HERA: Can I come in?

APHRODITE: –Or she can show up right now. Come in, Hera!

HERA: Oh, Aph… You look gorgeous.

APHRODITE: The same can be said of you!

HERA: (teasing) Save the flattery for your future wife. Are you ready?

APHRODITE: More ready than I’ve ever been in my life.

CALLIOPE: If you will allow me, dear listeners, I will be taking full control of the story for a moment. I have the luxury of having seen the event, after all, and can describe it far better than a simple conversation between the gods could. Rather than the amphitheater of Ares and Aphrodite’s wedding, this wedding was taking place in the backyard. A canopy had been hung up, flowers carefully placed along the columns. Chairs lay on either side of an aisle of chainmail– a simple reminder of the forge goddess’s involvement. At the end of the chainmail aisle was an arch of red roses, beautiful and fragrant, tended to by Persephone herself. 

Hephaestus was the first to make her way down the aisle, flanked on either side by Hera and Poseidon. Her dress hit just below the knee, a puff of red tulle peeking out beneath the skirt. The bodice was simple– a corset leading to a sweetheart neckline that was not visible due to the armor that Hephaestus had added to the dress. Shoulders padded in bronze, each with a heart etched into the side, the bronze of a breast plate coming just below her bosom, making her look ready for battle and love all at once. Her father kissed her on the cheek before taking his seat, and her mother squeezed her hand tightly before heading to her spot to perform the ceremony.

And then came Aphrodite.

Her dress was long and lacy– long lace sleeves that cut into a straight neckline, a beautiful layer of lace throughout the whole dress before trailing off into a long train. If her first wedding dress had been sleek and modern, this one was soft and homey. Ares looped his arm through hers, walking her down the aisle with so much pride on his face. And Aphrodite… Aphrodite couldn’t look away from Hephaestus, nor could Hephaestus look away from her. For that moment, it was as though no one else existed, the spell only being broken when Hera began to speak.

HERA: Friends, family, bears in top hats: we are gathered here today to celebrate the wedding of Aphrodite and Hephaestus. This union is one of love, one of joy, one of friendship, one of respect. It is my honor to stand before you as the goddess of marriage, joining my daughter and her love in marriage. I would invite you now to exchange your vows. Aphrodite?

APHRODITE: Well, here we are again, at a wedding with me involved. This wedding is the last I am going to have, I’m certain of that, because I cannot imagine loving anyone more than I love you, Hephaestus. When you made my wedding ring the first time around, I felt so much gratitude. Your talents in the forge have always impressed me, even before I truly knew you; they were an extension of you that I loved before I loved you. To get to hold your hands now, in front of those who are dearest to us, and know that you want to hold them too– that you want this too– means more to me than you could ever know. I met you by accident and loved you on purpose– I will keep loving you on purpose until the day we both fade away. 

HERA: Hephaestus?

HEPHAESTUS: I… Never thought I’d get to have this. To have a wedding with someone I loved, to have my mom be the one performing the ceremony, to have my dad watching me. So much of my life was spent alone, away from anyone who could hurt me but also away from anyone who could love me. And then you came along. You broadened my world, brought life and love and joy to it. You helped me as I forged bonds with our friends, forging one with you that I never thought possible. When I first realized how much I loved you, I panicked thinking that nothing could ever come of it. That it would ruin us and I would be left alone again after realizing how much I loved being around people. But then you told me you loved me. You made me feel like I was worth something, like I was worth your time and attention and love and I feel so lucky. To get to love you and be loved by you is the greatest gift I could ever have received. I will love you until the end of time and past that if you’ll let me.

HERA: It is my honor to stand before you today, as your goddess of marriage, and offer my blessings to this couple. May they be the light in the darkness, the shelter in the storm, the home in the foreign land, the hand to be held, and the spirit to be shared. May their souls– spinning magic and eternal light– be bound to each other as they were always meant to be. May their days be filled with happiness and joy; may their difficulties be shared and easily carried. May the knowledge of what they mean to each other always remain wrapped in their hearts. I bless you both, Aphrodite and Hephaestus, and hope that blessing will carry eternal happiness with it. Hephaestus?

HEPHAESTUS: Aphrodite, I give you this ring as I give you myself. All of me, for eternity.

HERA: Aphrodite?

APHRODITE: Hephaestus, I give you this ring as I give you myself. All of me, for eternity.

HERA: I am thrilled to pronounce you as married. You may kiss, if you choose.

CALLIOPE: Where Ares and Aphrodite’s kiss was chaste, Aphrodite and Hephaestus’s was not. The goddess of love cradled her wife’s face in her hands, kissing her with all the passion and joy you would expect from a wedding. Tears were once again shed, but truly tears of joy this time as the newly wedded wives embraced each other. They held each other for a moment– once again lost in each other as though the rest of the world didn’t exist. In this moment, it was just them– married and in love.

That, my dear listeners, is where we shall close our wedding. Every wedding needs a reception, and this wedding is no different. As we close out the reception, so too will we close out our tale. I hope you will join me to say goodbye to this story. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.