CALLIOPE: Much happened in the days leading up to the wedding– some parts were final touches, other parts were forging families like we had seen with Hephaestus and Poseidon. For our dear Aphrodite, the days leading up to the wedding were full of friendship and excitement.
Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.
We will begin the lead up to the wedding in the Underworld. Persephone has invited Aphrodite over to escape from the chaos of it all for a moment, an invitation the goddess of love happily accepted.
PERSEPHONE: So how are you feeling leading up to wedding part two?
APHRODITE: Less pissed off than I was for my last wedding, that’s for sure.
(both laugh)
APHRODITE (CONT.): I’m really excited about it honestly. I got my dress from Arachne the other day and everything is just… Feeling real. It’s really here, I’m really about to get married.
PERSEPHONE: And for love this time.
APHRODITE: And for love this time.
PERSEPHONE: Aph, um… I know you’re not doing this for the eyes of Olympus this time around, but are you sure you want as many people there as you’ve invited? One of the beauties of a wedding is that it can be anything you want. You don’t have to have anyone there that you don’t want– that includes myself and Hades.
APHRODITE: Of course I want you there, Sephie. Phae does too– can you imagine if I didn’t let her favorite uncle come to our wedding? It’s really not that big of a wedding all things considered, especially compared to having the whole of Olympus there the first time. This will be a lot less chaotic and a lot more personal. I think the only people out of our usual circle of family and friends that were invited were Circe, Hecate, Athena, and Arachne. And that’s just because Circe and Hecate helped with the magic warding around the house and Athena and Arachne made our wedding dresses. Overall, it’s a very small affair.
PERSEPHONE: Well, I guess all weddings just seem big compared to mine and Hades. Of course, only having the person performing the wedding and your dog there would make any amount of people seem like too many. (pause) Did you ever think about just… Eloping and being done with it?
APHRODITE: For a short moment, yeah. But that’s because I’ve had a wedding before and didn’t feel a need to repeat the practice. Phae hasn’t had a wedding, though, and she deserves to have that. She deserves her moment in the spotlight with our family and friends, deserves to feel as loved and cared for and beautiful as I know she is. (pause) And if I’m being fully honest, I think I deserve to have that wedding experience too. My wedding to Ares was lovely, but it wasn’t real, not in the way that matters to me. I want to have something real, and I want it to be with Hephaestus.
PERSEPHONE: You’re right, you do deserve that. Both of you do. Sometimes I wish that Hades and I could’ve had that. But there would’ve been no way to do it without my mother inserting herself and trying to drag me back to earth and I just… I’m just glad I got to marry him at all, in the end.
APHRODITE: How is Demeter?
PERSEPHONE: I don’t know. She apologized, I didn’t forgive her, she didn’t try to contact me again. I think she and Hera are still keeping in touch if you’re actually curious. My mother has her regrets about what happened between her and Zeus. Between her and me. But I can’t let her back in, not knowing what I do. I mean, she’s the reason I didn’t have the big wedding of my dreams and all that! Which is why I’m so glad that Phae has Hera for a mother– someone who’s there to support her and her dreams and make her wedding special rather than a race against the clock. And now she has Poseidon too which, you wouldn’t know it from looking at him but he cares so deeply. People tend to become better when they get away from Zeus.
APHRODITE: She went to see Hera and Poseidon the other day, actually. Came back with the biggest smile on her face and told me that for the first time in her life she had parents, plural, instead of a singular mom. I honestly thought Phae was going to jump for joy, that’s how excited she was. (laugh) It was adorable. The way the light caught the excitement in her eyes, the way she raced through talking about how giving Poseidon the dadger–
PERSEPHONE: Dadger?
APHRODITE: Dad dagger. Dadger. It was a dagger that she engraved the word ‘dad’ into to ask Poseidon if he would be willing to be that for her. And given how excited she was when she got back, I’m assuming Poseidon said yes.
PERSEPHONE: He would have to be a fool to say no. And while he has been known to be a fool, he’s gotten a lot wiser in his self-imposed exile. Is he going to be part of the ceremony at all?
APHRODITE: I don’t know, actually. I probably should’ve asked Phae, but she was just so happy when she got back that I got a little… Distracted. A kiss to her cheek became a kiss to her other cheek became a kiss to her lips… And then Poseidon was the furthest thing from either of our minds.
PERSEPHONE: (giggling) Say no more, I know how that goes. Well, I guess you’ll have some surprises waiting for you when it comes to the wedding then!
CALLIOPE: We shall draw your attention away from the Underworld and move slightly closer to the wedding. This time, we are visiting with Artemis and Apollo as they help Aphrodite with flower arrangements.
APOLLO: I honestly didn’t expect this to be as much fun as it is.
ARTEMIS: You and me both. This isn’t my usual type of relaxing activity, but it is pretty fun.
APHRODITE: I told you that it would be more enjoyable than you thought! It’s not my domain, but I’ve always enjoyed arranging flowers, especially as Valentine’s day approaches in the mortal realm. They get so creative with it, looking at the different meanings of different flowers and what those combinations could mean together…
ARTEMIS: So what does this mix of flowers mean then?
APHRODITE: Oh, I have absolutely no idea. Just because I’m interested in watching mortals prepare flower arrangements for Valentine’s day doesn’t mean I actually know what I’m doing. For all I know these flowers could be a curse on our wedding, but I don’t think Sephie would’ve done that to me and she grew the flowers for the arrangement.
APOLLO: Can you imagine if she did though? I think Hera would actually have a fit if that happened, like fully coming to blows. And between Hera and Persephone, my money would be on Hera. Motherly rage and years of dealing with Zeus’s bullshit? Hera would destroy in a fight against Persephone.
ARTEMIS: I don’t know, little brother–
APOLLO: I’m barely younger than you!
ARTEMIS: –Persephone’s name means ‘bringer of death’. And she lived with Demeter for most of her life, which I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. At the very least they’d be evenly matched, if not ending with Persephone being the victor.
APHRODITE: All of this is operating under the assumption that Sephie cursed my flowers. Which she didn’t. I just saw her the other day, she wouldn’t have cursed my flowers.
ARTEMIS: Of course she didn’t, this is all purely hypothetical. (pause) But who do you think would win?
APHRODITE: I’m not entertaining this.
APOLLO: Come on, Aph, even Arte is taking part and she’s usually the logical one of the group.
ARTEMIS: It’s an interesting thought experiment.
APHRODITE: I’m uninviting you from my wedding.
APOLLO: No you’re not.
APHRODITE: (sigh) No I’m not. But I’m also not placing bets on whether my future mother in law can beat my friend in a fight.
APOLLO: Fine, fine, I guess that’s fair. Especially since we’re only a few days away from the wedding and you don’t want to anger your future mother in law or cause your friend to actually curse your flowers.
ARTEMIS: How’s everything else looking for the wedding, Dite? Anything else you’ll need help with?
APHRODITE: The flowers are the last big piece. Everything else is pretty much set, especially since we’re just doing this in our back yard. Dipper is very excited, we got him a little hat and bow tie just for the occasion.
APOLLO: Oh that sounds adorable.
ARTEMIS: The bear will probably look better than Ares does.
APOLLO: I wouldn’t be so sure, Arte. Ares cleans up pretty nicely; don’t you remember their original wedding?
ARTEMIS: Does he clean up better than a bear in a hat and bow tie? I don’t think so.
APOLLO: …Fair point.
APHRODITE: I’m sorry to make you sit through another wedding, though. Especially since there’s a high likelihood you’ll end up being invited to Ares and Hermes’s wedding too.
APOLLO: Why are you sorry?
ARTEMIS: Yeah, Aph, why are you sorry? You’re our friend, remember?
APHRODITE: I know you’re not big on weddings, Arte.
ARTEMIS: You’re right, I’m not. But this isn’t just any wedding, now, is it? This is my best friend getting married to the love of her life. I think that’s pretty special, don’t you Pollo?
APOLLO: It’s incredibly special. You’re not dragging us to a wedding against our will, Aph. We want to go.
ARTEMIS: If I didn’t want to go, you would know.
APHRODITE: (laughing) I guess that’s true. You would definitely let me know if you didn’t want to be there. (pause) I’m excited to have a redo of my wedding. Something that’s for me rather than for Zeus.
ARTEMIS: Is his majesty planning on showing up?
APHRODITE: Wasn’t invited.
APOLLO: Has that ever stopped him?
APHRODITE: Hades and Poseidon are on Zeus watch; I guess Zeus and Hera had an even more intense falling out and they’re worried. Plus we had Circe include Zeus in the warding barrier so he shouldn’t be able to get anywhere near us.
ARTEMIS: I’ll have my bow just in case.
APOLLO: You would’ve had your bow anyway, Arte.
ARTEMIS: And now I’ll have it for even more reason!
CALLIOPE: We will move forward once more, my dear listeners, to the night before the wedding. Hephaestus has opted to stay with Dionysus for the evening, leaving the house to Aphrodite, Ares, and Hermes.
ARES: Are you sure you don’t want to go to Di’s house, sweetheart?
HERMES: (teasing) What, are you trying to get rid of me?
ARES: No, never. I just want you to go with your friends if that’s what you want.
HERMES: And miss you getting all sappy drunk over Aphrodite? I’m quite happy where I am, thank you.
APHRODITE: (laughing) Ares really is the sappiest drunk. Everyone always thinks he’ll be mean, but he’s not, he just loves his friends so much.
ARES: Maybe I’ll go hang out with Dionysus and Phae instead. Since I’m going to be bullied if I’m here.
HERMES: (teasing) If that’s what you want, beloved, I’m sure me and Dite can share all sorts of stories about you while you’re gone.
ARES: Perhaps having us all live together was a mistake.
APHRODITE: You love us.
ARES: (resigned, but fond) Yeah. Yeah I do.
HERMES: So, Aphrodite: how do you want to spend your ‘last night of freedom’?
APHRODITE: Missing my wife, mostly.
ARES: Future wife.
APHRODITE: Same thing, really.
HERMES: You’ll see her tomorrow and then every day for the rest of your eternal lives, you know.
APHRODITE: Oh please, you miss Ares when he leaves the room. And he misses you just as much.
HERMES: (laughing) Alright, fair enough. I take it you’re excited for the big day?
APHRODITE: (wistful) Yeah. Yeah, I am. Gods, tomorrow I get to marry Hephaestus. I get to have a wedding that I decided to have for myself. I get to go home with my wife and my best friend and his fiance and… And get the happy ending I’ve seen for so many other people but never thought I’d get for myself. Don’t get me wrong, Air, our wedding was lovely, but this… I love her. I love her more than I ever thought possible and now I get to marry her. Isn’t that incredible?
CALLIOPE: Rather than having Ares and Hermes’s answers to that question, I think we will move a little further into the evening after they all got gloriously wine drunk.
ARES: I’m so happy for you Aph. You’re getting married! And not to me!
APHRODITE: (giggling) And not to you!
HERMES: Yeah, you can’t have him anymore, he’s mine now.
APHRODITE: I would never steal him from you, I promise.
HERMES: Good. He proposed to me, he’s stuck with me now.
ARES: But you’re also stuck with Aph! We’re all going to live together and be friends. We’re getting our happy ending, Dite. And we didn’t even have to kill Zeus for it.
APHRODITE: It’s not too late to do that!
HERMES: Phae would be really sad if we killed Zeus without her.
APHRODITE: I’m so excited to see Phae tomorrow. I miss her.
ARES: Aph, you’re not gonna forget about me when you’re married to her, right?
APHRODITE: We’re all gonna live together, Air. And you’re my best friend. I could never forget you.
ARES: Good. I won’t forget you either, Aph. You’re my best friend.
APHRODITE: And you’re my best friend.
HERMES: Then who’s my best friend?
ARES: Me of course!
APHRODITE: I could be too!
HERMES: What about Hephaestus?
APHRODITE: She’s my best friend. And Di’s best friend. And your best friend! And I’m gonna marry her tomorrow. Ares is giving me away!
ARES: I get to walk my best friend down the aisle! I’m so excited for you, Aphrodite.
APHRODITE: I’m excited for me too.
CALLIOPE: And that, dear listeners, is where we shall leave you for the day. When next we speak, there will be a wedding to have. For now, we shall leave you with the warmth of friendship and the promise of what comes next. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.
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