CALLIOPE: We have reached the final stretch of our story, the last arc that will carry us through what the gods have permitted you to know. There are many places we could start, many conversations we could have, many moments we can share– but the place to start is, and was always going to be, in Hephaestus’s bedroom.
Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.
We rejoin our story the morning after we last left off. The first night of soft kisses and softer words, held hands and cuddled bodies, those are things better left for the goddesses themselves. What comes after that first night, though, we are more than privy to.
HEPHAESTUS: (sleepily) Good morning.
APHRODITE: (also sleepy) Good morning, beloved. I think I’m starting to see why Ares and Hermes are always tangled up together, this is lovely.
HEPHAESTUS: (sleepy laugh) Well, we don’t have anything to do today–
(door opens)
DIONYSUS: Phae? Phae, is everything alright? You didn’t come by this morning.
HEPHAESTUS: (very alert) Shit. Shit I forgot I was supposed to go see Di this morning. You… I can distract him, you can leave through the forge, he’ll never even know–
APHRODITE: (calmly) Is that what you want?
HEPHAESTUS: Isn’t that what you want?
APHRODITE: Why would I want that?
HEPHAESTUS: I… I don’t know.
APHRODITE: Do I need to do the whole confession of love again, or…
HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) I love you too. (calling to Dionysus) In the bedroom, Di!
DIONYSUS: Did you oversleep? I’ve never known you to– Oh. Oh! Well, this would explain it then, wouldn’t it. I’m assuming from the held hands that this… Yeah?
APHRODITE: (laughing) Yeah.
HEPHAESTUS: She kind of beat me to the punch, actually. Ran here straight after the divorce. (pause) I’m really sorry I wasn’t there on time this morning, Di. Just let me get dressed–
DIONYSUS: You’d leave your new girlfriend just to get breakfast with me? Are you crazy?
HEPHAESTUS: We made these plans a week ago, I just overslept.
DIONYSUS: You can stay, Phae. Hell, you should stay!
APHRODITE: No, you should definitely go to breakfast.
DIONYSUS: But–
APHRODITE: But nothing. You two had plans first, and you’re her best friend. I can always see Phae later today, right Phae?
HEPHAESTUS: (so fucking fond) Yeah, we can make dinner together again. You finally have a reason to organize my spice cabinet.
APHRODITE: (laughing) See? (genuinely) It’s okay, Di. You’re not interrupting anything and I’m not mad that you’re here. You’re Phae’s best friend. Just because she and I have been dating for about… fifteen hours doesn’t mean that changes. You know I wouldn’t do that.
DIONYSUS: I know. I know, I just… Are you sure, Aph?
APHRODITE: Positive. If anything, this gives me an excuse to go tell Ares. He’s going to be thrilled, he’s been encouraging me for a while now. You two have fun, okay?
CALLIOPE: Aphrodite gathered her clothes and left the bedroom. Dionysus and Hephaestus stood in silence until they heard the front door close with a soft click. Flopping back on the bed, Hephaestus patted the spot beside her.
HEPHAESTUS: Come on, lay down and tell me what all that was about.
DIONYSUS: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
HEPHAESTUS: Yes you do and you know it.
DIONYSUS: I’m happy for you.
HEPHAESTUS: Thank you. I… It still feels like a dream. But that’s not all you want to say and I know that, so…
DIONYSUS: I’m happy for you, really, truly, happy for you. And I’ve been encouraging you to go for this for so long so I don’t know why… I don’t know why I’m so worried right now.
HEPHAESTUS: What are you worried about?
DIONYSUS: That I’m going to lose you. And I know, I know that this fear doesn’t make sense because I know you. You would never abandon me, would never cast me aside, would never try to make me fit into a box I don’t want to fit into but I’m so scared. I’m scared that I’ll wake up one morning and you’ll be with Aphrodite and I’ll be alone with my cats again. And I know Aph would never do that, would never force you away from me. I mean, she left! She left willingly and told me that this was more important for us. So why am I so scared?
HEPHAESTUS: Because fear is hardly ever a rational thing.
DIONYSUS: (bitter laugh) Yeah, you’re telling me.
HEPHAESTUS: I don’t blame you for being worried, Di. This has been a lot of change for us, going from just us to having friends to me having a partner. And change is terrifying– I’m terrified right now. But if there’s one thing I know and trust it’s that you’ll always have my back and I’ll always have yours. You’ve been the only constant in my life for such a long time, Di. Nothing could ever change that, not for us. You’re always going to be my best friend and I’m always going to make time for you. I love Aphrodite, I do, but I also love you. So don’t worry, okay? Nothing’s gonna take me away.
DIONYSUS: I know that, I do. But thank you for saying it again anyway. (teasing) So, you two are finally together, huh?
HEPHAESTUS: (teasing right back) Oh hush. You’re the one who was just crying about it.
DIONYSUS: Yeah but I’m also the one who told you you had a shot with her. So who’s the real winner here, Phae? Because it feels like me.
CALLIOPE: We will leave these two to argue like siblings, as they so often do, and follow after Aphrodite instead. She’s returned to her home to find Ares’s door still closed and a sleepy Dipper guarding it.
APHRODITE: Good morning, Dipper! How’s my favorite bear today?
DIPPER: (bear sounds)
APHRODITE: Come on, I’m about to make some breakfast. I’m assuming Ares and Hermes are still sleeping? I’ll make enough for them too. Maybe the noise will get them to wake up.
ARES: Oh, hey Aph! I wasn’t expecting to see you this morning. I should. Put a shirt on.
APHRODITE: I’ve seen you in just your boxers before, Air, it’s fine. But you should put one on once breakfast is ready, I’m not watching you eat shirtless.
ARES: (laughing) Fair enough. So I take it it went well?
APHRODITE: It went wonderfully. She made a sculpture of me and didn’t even know she was doing it until she reached the face of it, Air. She crafted my likeness so carefully, and I just. You were right.
ARES: Right about what?
APHRODITE: About some things being worth the risk of it all.
ARES: Well, you told me that first. With Hermes. It seems only fair that I would return the favor. I’m really happy for you, Dite. I haven’t seen you smile like this in a long time, it’s nice to see again.
(door)
HERMES: Good morning, Dite. Good morning, my love. Here is the shirt you requested. Why you left without a shirt to begin with…
ARES: Oh leave me alone I didn’t think Aph would be home yet, leave me alone.
HERMES: You are home remarkably early, Dite. Did everything go okay?
APHRODITE: I was just telling Ares about it. It went great– she loves me too, which still doesn’t feel real. None of this feels real, but I know it is and I just… I wish I was with her right now, but she had plans with Dionysus and I was with her all night so it’s not like I didn’t see her. I’ll be going back there later to make dinner with her again anyway.
HERMES: Well, we’re happy to have you join us this morning. Your cooking is leagues above Ares’s.
ARES: Rude! We cooked together that time things got burnt. And that’s because you were kissing me!
HERMES: Well whose fault is that? You were just being so kissable.
APHRODITE: (fondly) You two are disgusting.
ARES: Oh please, you’ll be like this about Hephaestus. I know you, Aph. I know how mushy you can get about your friends. And now this is someone you’re in love with; you’re going to be just as sappy. Gods, you’re going to be so annoying.
APHRODITE: (teasing) I’m the goddess of love. It’s my job to be that sappy. You, however, are the big, mean god of war. Punch first, ask questions later, always looking for a fight.
ARES: (laughing) I would fight for Hermes if I had to. Thankfully I don’t since I can tell all of Olympus he’s mine now. Official divorce announcement hit the papers this morning; they’re taking it as well as you’d imagine.
HERMES: I’m a big fan of Love is officially dead, really makes it seem like the two of you were devoted to each other.
ARES: Circe’s warding is still holding up so we haven’t had anyone in our faces yet.
APHRODITE: The ‘yet’ in that sentence tells me you’re going to do something stupid, aren’t you?
ARES: (faux offense) Me? Doing something stupid? I would never.
HERMES: Oh he definitely would. It’s part of the reason I love him so much, he’s always willing to take a risk. It’s what landed us here and I couldn’t be more grateful for it.
APHRODITE: Awww. See, Air, this is how you be cute while being sappy.
ARES: I’m ignoring both of you.
HERMES: You love us both and you know it.
APHRODITE: And we love you. So, what’s your foolish plan this time?
ARES: Oh, we were just going to go and make out in the middle of the city to cause problems on purpose.
HERMES: Give them something to actually talk about instead of dragging your name through the mud again. Gods know they’ve done that enough already.
APHRODITE: (laughing) That’s one way to do things for sure. Thank you, both of you, for trying to take the heat off of me. You don’t have to anymore, we’re no longer married.
ARES: I know I don’t have to, but you’re still my best friend.
HERMES: And we care about you and your wellbeing. Besides, what’s a little public indecency among friends.
APHRODITE: Are you both sure?
ARES: I don’t have to pretend I’m not in love with him anymore. I can love Hermes loudly and fiercely and publicly if I want to. And gods do I want to.
HERMES: I’ve been waiting centuries to hold his hand. Getting to do it in public? It’s more than I ever dreamed of. (pause) I’m gonna go get dressed for real and then I’ll help with breakfast.
APHRODITE: Hey Air?
ARES: Yeah?
APHRODITE: I haven’t seen you this happy in a while either, you know. It looks good on you.
ARES: It looks good on you too.
CALLIOPE: We will, of course, bring you one final place today. I couldn’t leave you in suspense for too long, after all, and some conversations are demanding to be heard. We shall once again rewind the clock, this time to just after the divorce ceremony. The king of the gods has just asked to speak with Hera, and this wouldn’t be a good story if we left that out.
HERA: What do you want.
ZEUS: I… Need to request your assistance.
HERA: (scoffing) You’re asking for my help? After everything you did, you’re asking me for help? I know you have a lot of audacity, but this is really a new level, even for you.
ZEUS: Hera, please.
HERA: Wow, I didn’t realize you knew that word. What could you possibly need my help for?
ZEUS: It’s about Demeter.
CALLIOPE: You could see every ounce of anger freeze in Hera’s chest. Her previously clenched fist loosened, worry starting to claw at her chest. She stared, steely eyed, at Zeus.
HERA: What.
ZEUS: Things may have spiraled a bit out of hand with her.
HERA: Zeus, cut to the chase right now before I punch you in the face.
ZEUS: She is somehow under the impression that I am going to marry her.
HERA: Did you tell her you were going to marry her?
ZEUS: Of course not!
HERA: Zeus.
ZEUS: I may have implied that we couldn’t be married as you and I were still married. And now that we’re divorced, she’s under the impression that we are going to be married. As if I could possibly want to be married again, let alone to Demeter and–
HERA: She thinks you love her. I spoke to her and she was convinced you loved her. And for a moment, for a shining moment, I thought maybe you had changed. When you pushed back against the divorce, I figured it was just because you didn’t like to lose what you felt was yours. But really it was just so you wouldn’t have to face the consequences of you stringing Demeter along.
ZEUS: Honestly, it’s on her for not knowing better. I have ‘strung along’ every person I have ever had a relationship– at least that’s how it is in your eyes. And I know you and Demeter were friends, I know you must have told her every ‘horrible’ thing I did to you, so the fact that she still followed this path, well. The signs were there, were they not?
HERA: Are you even capable of feeling remorse? Do you ever think about how you are going to end up alone because nothing and no one will ever be enough for you.
ZEUS: You don’t need to be married and in love to not be alone. And despite everything you say, my bed is always warm and someone else is always there with me. People don’t care about the truth, Hera. They care about the myth. And if a few people get heartbroken in the process, well, that’s just a lesson they needed to learn.
HERA: What do you want me to do? What could I possibly do?
ZEUS: Tell Demeter that I’m not going to marry her. It’s very simple.
HERA: No, no it’s not because I tried that. I tried to tell her that you were no good, that she should run away while she still could, but you love her, at least in her eyes. If you want to get rid of her, you have to do it yourself. And if she wants someone there to help her pick up the pieces, well. She knows where to find me.
ZEUS: Do you ever regret it?
HERA: What?
ZEUS: Us. What we were, what we are. Did you ever regret it?
HERA: Every fucking day of my life.
ZEUS: Well, at least we’re both in good company as far as regrets go.
CALLIOPE: Hera stormed out of the room, allowing the door to slam loudly behind her. And if, for a moment, Zeus looked a bit wistful, would you even believe me? There was a brief moment of sadness in his eye before it steeled back into his normal gaze, but that moment was real, dear listeners. It was real and tangible even if brief. But that is where we must end our story for today. You may be wondering what could possibly remain in our tale, to which I say there are more lovely things to come. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.
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