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CALLIOPE: A new chapter of our story is finally ready to unfold. There were many threads left unwoven as the last chapter closed, giving us many places to start. We could start at the end of the last chapter, beginning to pull that thread tighter and closer to closing, but the best place to start is, of course, at the beginning.

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.

The morning after Hephaestus had realized her feelings for Aphrodite was– despite all that had preceded it– rather calm. Tired eyes blinking open, leaving Hephaestus looking directly at Dionysus, the person she trusted more than anything else in this world. Seeing him there, with her, caused a feeling of calm to spread through her, even with everything else that had transpired the day before.

DIONYSUS: Morning, Phae.

HEPHAESTUS: Good morning.

DIONYSUS: How are we feeling?

HEPHAESTUS: I… What a question.

DIONYSUS: That bad, huh? Well, let’s see if breakfast can help. Come on, up you get. Shower, I’ll make breakfast and then we can assess the situation with fresh eyes, yeah? 

HEPHAESTUS: You don’t need to make breakfast–

DIONYSUS: (faux outrage) And let Cider starve? I could never. Go on, breakfast will be ready when you’re done. I’m brushing my teeth in your kitchen, I don’t care how much you hate it.

HEPHAESTUS: You can just brush your teeth before I shower!!

DIONYSUS: Nope! Go!

CALLIOPE: I will do us all the favor of not describing a shower in a podcast. Just trust me when I say that Hephaestus did in fact shower, trying to pull her thoughts together before she had to face Dionysus again. As she made her way towards the kitchen, she couldn’t help but peek through the door of her forge; the statue of Aphrodite still stood there, smiling in her direction. It took everything in her power not to slam the door shut.

HEPHAESTUS: Did you at least wash your toothpaste out of my sink and off of my dishes?

DIONYSUS: (sarcastic) No, I left it there because I know you hate it. Of course I did, Phae, now sit down and eat your eggs. You should at least have some food in you before you start catastrophizing again.

HEPHAESTUS: How do you know I’m going to start catastrophizing?

DIONYSUS: Because I know you, Phae.

HEPHAESTUS: …Point taken. (pause) Thank you, Dionysus. For coming here and for staying with me. I know that was kind of a lot last night and I just–

DIONYSUS: Let me stop you right there, Phae, before you make us both cry into our eggs. Of course I came, you’re my best friend. And of course I stayed, you asked me to. I know you would do the same for me, so thanks aren’t needed. 

HEPHAESTUS: I’m still going to thank you, Di. Just because they aren’t needed doesn’t mean they aren’t deserved. 

DIONYSUS: (fondly) Fine, fine. If it makes you feel better, I’ll accept your thanks. (pause) Do you want to talk about this now or after breakfast?

HEPHAESTUS: (sigh) I guess now is as good a time as any. Is this questions or is this you trying to make me feel better?

DIONYSUS: A little of both. Which do you want first?

HEPHAESTUS: May as well start with the questions. 

DIONYSUS: Did you really not know you were in love with her?

HEPHAESTUS: I knew I cared about her. I knew that she made me happier than I ever thought a person could make me. I knew that she occupied my thoughts– awake or dreaming, it didn’t matter. But I didn’t realize that these things were love until I saw her face staring back at me, crafted with my own hands without me even realizing it. She’s always on my mind, of course that would bleed into my work I just– (pause) When you’re staring it straight in the face it becomes a little harder to ignore or brush off as a friend thing. 

DIONYSUS: So what do you want to do about this?

HEPHAESTUS: What do you mean?

DIONYSUS: Do you want to tell her–

HEPHAESTUS: Absolutely not. Or was me calling you here to help me destroy this statue not confirmation of that. I can’t put her in that position, Di. I can’t make myself another person that she has to turn down. We’re so good as friends, why should I fuck up a good thing? The fact that she’s my friend at all–

DIONYSUS: Nope, okay, we’re not going down that path. You are an incredible person, kind and wonderful and beautiful and the people in your life are lucky to have you in it. Aphrodite is lucky to have you in her life and she would tell you that herself. You are more than worthy of friendship and love, Phae. Putting yourself down like this doesn’t help you, it just hurts you more.

HEPHAESTUS: Better I hurt myself before the world can hurt me, right? 

DIONYSUS: Do you honestly believe that?

HEPHAESTUS: …I don’t even know at this point. I’ve never had something like this work before. It’s better to brace myself for the heartache that’s sure to come rather than get my hopes up and have them be crushed later down the line. She’s far too good for me, Di. I know this. And even on the infinitesimal chance that she loves me–

DIONYSUS: That’s it, I’m calling Hermes.

HEPHAESTUS: What?

DIONYSUS: You sound exactly like Hermes right now and if anyone is going to be able to talk you out of this spiral it’s him. Finish your breakfast, I’m sure he’ll be here quickly.

CALLIOPE: True to Dionysus’s claims, Hermes arrived as quickly as humanly possible and then some since he isn’t human to begin with. He took one look at Hephaestus staring forlornly at now cold eggs before wrapping her in a tight hug.

HERMES: You didn’t mention it was this serious, Dion.

DIONYSUS: I didn’t want to talk about her like she wasn’t here. She hates it when people do that. And this isn’t me doing that, Phae, I know full well that you can hear me and will interject.

HEPHAESTUS: (small laugh) As long as you’re aware of that. Sorry you had to run all the way over here, Hermes.

HERMES: It’s fine, Phae, it’s not like I was doing anything important. (pause) Well. I–

DIONYSUS: I knew he’d be a bottom. I knew it.

HERMES: (shyly) We’re both switches, thank you very much. But we weren’t doing that, we were just talking. I just. Don’t want to insinuate that he’s not important. 

HEPHAESTUS: Wait… Are you and Ares–

HERMES: Yeah, me and Ares. He ran to my house a couple days ago, told me he loved me like he didn’t expect me to love him back. I’m honestly still a little in shock. 

HEPHAESTUS: And you knew about this, Di?

DIONYSUS: Hermes may have forgotten to tell me that he was going to be otherwise occupied the other evening, so I walked in on them.

HERMES: We were just kissing! You make it sound like you found us fucking on the couch, something I have found you doing before. 

DIONYSUS: Should’ve knocked.

HERMES: I did. Several times. And I called you. And texted you. And only came in because I heard screaming–

HEPHAESTUS: It’s too early to be hearing about Di’s sex life. I’m really happy for you, Hermes. I’m also happy that I don’t need to fight Ares to the death. Not that I wouldn’t, but it’s nice to know it’s not needed since he got his head out of his ass.

HERMES: I’m far too happy to even address your threats of violence.

DIONYSUS: But now you can see why I call Hermes here. He was– and I say this with all the love in my heart– also beating himself up over clearly requited affections. 

HERMES: You can say it with love and still have it be rude, you know.

HEPHAESTUS: I mean, he does have a point though, Herm. You were pining and moping and sure that he would never love you and–

DIONYSUS: And you’re doing the same thing right now, Phae. Surely you see that.

HEPHAESTUS: This is different.

HERMES: It doesn’t sound different.

HEPHAESTUS: Oh you hush, you’re at your happy ending portion I’m still in the early freaking out stages. Just let me mope about it. 

DIONYSUS: If this is really just you moping then that’s fine, but I think this is more than that. You’re acting like it’s the end of the world when really it doesn’t have to be. I’m not saying you need to run to her and confess your love right now like Ares did– that’s definitely a wild decision to make even if you’re Ares. You can still love her and not do anything about it. Falling in love doesn’t mean you have to change anything. Denying your feelings and beating yourself up isn’t the answer, though; it’ll just hurt you more in the long run.

HEPHAESTUS: So what, I just accept that I’m in love with her and try to move on with my day?

DIONYSUS: If that’s what you need to do, yeah. 

HEPHAESTUS: And just lie to her face, pretending I’m not in love with her?

HERMES: It’s not lying to her. Was I lying to Ares by not telling him how I felt?

HEPHAESTUS: Well, no, but–

HERMES: You’re not changing your behavior because you’re in love with her. And your friendship doesn’t mean less because you’re in love with her. Right? 

HEPHAESTUS: Right.

HERMES: So you’re not lying to her. Friends don’t have to tell each other everything; you’re entitled to your privacy, that doesn’t make you a liar. I’d say it makes you human, but we’re gods so that doesn’t really work. I will say as someone who did mope about this kind of thing for a long time, it didn’t make me feel any less for Ares. It just made me upset with myself for feeling how I did. 

HEPHAESTUS: Look, I know you’re right. Logically I know you’re right and that this will all be fine I just… Can I mope about it? Just for today?

DIONYSUS: (kindly) Just for today. And we’re staying with you while you mope.

HEPHAESTUS: Hermes doesn’t have to–

HERMES: Hermes will be staying right here, thank you. Ares will understand, it’s not like we’re attached at the hip or anything.

HEPHAESTUS: (teasing) No, you’re just in the honeymoon phase. (pause, more serious) I don’t want to interrupt that.

HERMES: You’re not interrupting anything. I promise, I’ll see Ares later and be just as in love with him as I am right now. Nothing is going to change that, not even stopping to help out my friend who needs to mope.

HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) You’re ridiculous.

DIONYSUS: And you’re stuck with us. Come on, it’s bad movie time. I’ll pop some popcorn, you take Cider and Hermes and get situated on the couch. 

CALLIOPE: We shall leave our friends where they are– safe and warm and with each other. For the time being, we shall turn to the place we started our show: Ares and Aphrodite, this time sitting in their shared living room together, Dipper snoozing peacefully on the ground between their feet.

APHRODITE: Are you going to keep staring out the window like a romance novel protagonist waiting for her husband to return from war or did you actually want to talk about the divorce? 

ARES: Oh, come on, I’m not– 

APHRODITE: Oh you definitely are, Air. And it’s fine, it’s cute even! But also he did text you that he was staying with Phae for the day because she wasn’t feeling well so you don’t need to keep staring longingly out the window. He’ll come back when he’s able to and I’m sure he’ll let you know before he does.

ARES: (deflecting) Why aren’t you helping take care of Hephaestus, huh?

APHRODITE: Because someone has to stay with you so you don’t lose your mind. Di said that Hermes was better suited for the task of helping Phae and I was better suited for making sure you don’t run off after your new beau. It all works out since we do need to talk about what we wanna do with this divorce.

ARES: Have I mentioned that I hate when you’re logical?

APHRODITE: Should’ve thought of that before you married me.

ARES: And this is exactly why we’re getting a divorce.

(both laugh)

ARES: What did Hera say when you called her?

APHRODITE: Not much, she was about to head out with Persephone when I had called, but I doubt it will be too much of an issue from the legal side of things. She’s the goddess of marriage, she blessed our union, she’s able to revoke that blessing and dissolve the marriage without much of a headache. What we really need to talk about is how we’re going to handle all of this publicly.

ARES: (joking) Honestly, Zeus should’ve planned for us to get divorced from the beginning, this will definitely distract from whatever he’s got going on.

APHRODITE: (laughing) When you’re right, you’re right. 

ARES: Are you sure you’re okay with this, though? You’ve only just gotten used to what they’re saying about us being together, I don’t want them to start dragging your name through the mud because we decided to get a divorce. 

APHRODITE: Oh, they’re going to blame me for sure. Call into question my skills as a goddess and my ability to make love matches for others when I can’t even keep one of my own, all of that stuff. But it’s worth it if it means you and Hermes get to be happily together without feeling like you need to hide.

ARES: Aph–

APHRODITE: You took a bullet for me by marrying me to help me. Let me take a bullet for you too, war boy.

ARES: (laughing) War boy?

APHRODITE: (laughing) I don’t know, it just slipped out! 

ARES: What did I ever do to deserve your friendship?

APHRODITE: I could be asking the same question to you. All I know for sure is that we have each other’s backs. And that Dipper is the best boy in the land, isn’t that right, Dipper?

DIPPER: (content bear noises)

APHRODITE: He takes a pat like no problem! Such a cuddly boy. You know, when you said you were bringing home a bear I thought it would be a gay thing but this is so much better.

ARES: I couldn’t leave him on the battlefield all alone, it would’ve been cruel! I still can’t believe Artemis wouldn’t take him.

APHRODITE: Oh they fully thought you were fucking with them. She did not trust you until very recently, actually.

ARES: Wait, really, what did I do?!

APHRODITE: (teasing) You fell in love with me, of course. She thought you were just trying to trick me into falling in love with you which of course you weren’t. You’re just my best friend who I am now divorcing.

ARES: The world’s most amicable divorce. (pause) You really mean what you said? About this being worth it to you?

APHRODITE: Of course I mean it, Air. I want you to be happy more than I want the press to shut up. I can deal with a little bad publicity if it means that my friend and his boyfriend are able to be together openly and happily. You deserve that more than anyone else I know.

ARES: I love you so much, you know that, right?

APHRODITE: I love you too. Which is why we really need to work on this divorce paperwork.

ARES: (laughing) Alright, alright, let’s do the paperwork so I have time to cuddle with Hermes when he gets back.

APHRODITE: (audibly smiling) Gods the two of you are going to be insufferable, aren’t you? 

ARES: (audibly smiling) Of course we are. After all, you’ve blessed our relationship.

APHRODITE: And I’ll live to regret it!

CALLIOPE: With that, dear listeners, we shall draw our story to a close for the day. I’m sure you’re on the edge of your seat for a few of these threads to pick up, and I promise they will in due time. For now, we shall bid you farewell. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.