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CALLIOPE: I am not so cruel a narrator to deprive you of a godly house party two episodes in a row, so that is where we shall join our tale today.

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.

We will actually join our story just outside of the house party as Apollo and Artemis make their way over to Dionysus’ home.

ARTEMIS: Actually–

APOLLO: Oh no you don’t!

ARTEMIS: You don’t even know what I was going to say!

APOLLO: You were going to say “Actually, I don’t think I’m feeling up to this. Why don’t I just go home?”

ARTEMIS: (grumbling) You don’t know that for sure.

APOLLO: It will be fun, Arte. It’s all people you know anyway, it’s not like I’m dragging you to a party of strangers.

ARTEMIS: Just because your new boytoy–

APOLLO: Rude.

ARTEMIS: –wants you to come to this party doesn’t mean I have to. I could be out hunting! Or frolicking through the woods as a deer! You wouldn’t really deprive me of frolicking, would you, dear brother? 

APOLLO: Aph wants you here too, you know. It’s not just Dionysus. They both want both of us to get to know Hephaestus a little better. If you’re not going to do it for me, you could at least do it for Aph. She needs a win.

ARTEMIS: Using my oldest friend against me.

APOLLO: Technically I’m your oldest friend. On account of being your twin and all.

ARTEMIS: If it’s terrible I’m shooting things and leaving.

APOLLO: As long as you don’t hit the cats, I doubt Di will care. And I know you’d never willingly shoot a cat so we should be all good. Now come on, his house is right over here!

CALLIOPE: The twins made their way up the path to Dionysus’ home– Artemis moving begrudgingly but still moving. As they approached the purple-painted door, they found it opening before Apollo could even knock.

DIONYSUS: Finally! I thought you had decided to ditch us. Come in, come in, just take off your shoes over here. Don’t want anyone stepping on a cat with shoes on, you know how it goes. Everyone else through that doorway, there’s snacks and drinks in the kitchen. Just don’t go into the bedroom unless you want to see things you can’t unsee. Except you, Apollo, you’re welcome in the bedroom anytime.

ARTEMIS: Gross.

APOLLO: Maybe not in front of my sister, Di. She will shoot you.

DIONYSUS: Right, right, sorry Artemis. I’m glad to see that you came with, though! Me and Aph were kind of worried you’d bail.

ARTEMIS: (sheepish) I… I won’t say that the thought didn’t cross my mind. But Apollo can be very convincing when he wants to be; it’s the best and worst part of having him for a twin.

DIONYSUS: Well, I’m glad you decided to stick with showing up. It wouldn’t be the same without you here! Now go on, mingle with the others and I will just borrow your brother for a moment.

ARTEMIS: Again: gross. But thanks, Dionysus. 

CALLIOPE: Artemis left her brother and his current fling in the doorway, making her way further into the home to a living room full of people and cats.

APHRODITE: Arte!! You made it! Come sit with me and Phae, I was just telling her about the first time you taught me how to shoot a bow. 

ARTEMIS: Hi, Aph. And hi, Hephaestus. Nice to meet you more officially than we have previously.

HEPHAESTUS: It’s nice to meet you too! Dite has told me a lot about you but it’ll still be nice to actually get to spend some time with you. See if you live up to the tales she’s been telling. (joking) Ares certainly didn’t. 

ARTEMIS: Where is Ares anyway? I thought he and Hermes were going to be here.

APHRODITE: They’re out in the garden with Dipper and some of the cats trying to see if they can train them to do tricks. So far the only trick they’ve achieved is having a cat scratch Ares pretty badly.

ARTEMIS: Dipper? Wait… Did he actually keep that bear he tried to pawn off on me?

APHRODITE: Of course he did. Have you ever known Ares to want to give up on having a pet? It’s honestly a miracle we don’t have more pets in the house, all things considered.

HEPHAESTUS: I will say, Dipper is remarkably well trained. 

ARTEMIS: My thoughts on Ares weren’t exactly the… Highest, prior to this year. At the time I definitely thought he was trying to prank me and that there wasn’t a bear. 

HEPHAESTUS: Ares is a surprising sweetheart once you get to know him. At least, that’s what Aph tells me, I don’t really interact with him that much. But when I was making the wedding rings… He was incredibly sweet about it. Wanted it to be special, even if the wedding itself wasn’t.

ARTEMIS: He’s definitely much kinder than I thought he was. Don’t tell him I said that, though, I gotta keep a bit of fear in him just in case.

CALLIOPE: It is at this point that the god in question returned to the party, Hermes following close behind him.

ARES: I think we tired Dipper and the cats out. They’re all just laying under the tree back there in a big pile now. Oh hey, Artemis! Good to see you.

HERMES: Do I want to ask where Dionysus and Apollo are?

HEPHAESTUS: I wouldn’t recommend it.

ARTEMIS: Definitely not.

APHRODITE: I don’t think that they’d be fucking while we’re actively in the other room. Right? Like Dionysus can be a lot but he’s not that kind of a lot. Right??

HEPHAESTUS: He’s a big proponent of safe, sane, and consensual so they’re likely not fucking, but that doesn’t mean they’re doing things we want to think about. I’d put 5 drachma on at least one of them having a hickey upon returning. 

DIONYSUS: I’ll get in on this bet since it’s one you won’t win.

APOLLO: Neck is bruise free, I promise you. 

DIONYSUS: Pay up, Phae.

HEPHAESTUS: Absolutely not. You don’t get to bet on yourself, Di, that’s fully cheating. 

DIONYSUS: Why were you placing bets on us again?

HEPHAESTUS: Because your fuck buddy–

DIONYSUS: (mock offense) Woah, hey, don’t call him that!

HEPHAESTUS: Is it incorrect?

DIONYSUS: (joking) No, but it’s crass. 

ARTEMIS: You and my brother disappeared when you’re known to be sleeping together. Surely you can’t blame us for making bets on how disheveled you’d be when you came back.

HERMES: I cannot stress enough that me and Ares just entered the room. 

ARES: But if we had been here, I would’ve bet against you. Sorry Di, sorry Apollo, gotta trust Hephaestus on this one.

APOLLO: (jokingly) What have I gotten myself into?

HEPHAESTUS: Besides my best friend’s pants?

APOLLO: Well, yes. Besides that.

HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) You’ve gotten yourself into a friend group that loves to tease but will stop if you get uncomfortable. I’m like this with Di because we’ve always been like this, but let me know if it’s pushing too far, Apollo, and I’ll reel it back. 

ARTEMIS: When I was thinking about skipping out on this–

APHRODITE: (fondly) Of course you were.

ARTEMIS: (fondly) Oh hush. I didn’t think it would be this fun, let alone this fun this quickly. I guess I see what you meant by wanting us to get to know each other, Aph. Hephaestus is pretty damn cool.

APHRODITE: I told you that the two of you would get along. Phae is the best!

HEPHAESTUS: (flustered) I really don’t think–

DIONYSUS: Nope! No negative self-talk in my living room. Imagine what the cats would say if they could hear that! I won’t have you corrupting them with negative self-talk, Hephaestus. 

HERMES: Plus I think everyone here thinks you’re cool. So it would be a losing battle to try and fight on your part. 

HEPHAESTUS: Can we go back to making fun of Dionysus and Apollo?

APHRODITE: Nope! Get loved, idiot!

CALLIOPE: We’re going to pull your attention towards the end of the party now. The conversations growing softer as everyone starts to fall tired after a day of socializing.

ARTEMIS: I think I should probably get him home.

APOLLO: (sleepily) Noooo, we can stay a little longer. I’m wiiiide awake.

ARTEMIS: Thank you for having us over, Dionysus. It was… a lot of fun. We’ll have to do something like this again, maybe.

DIONYSUS: I’d love that, Artemis. Take care of him, alright? 

ARTEMIS: (fondly) I always do. (Sigh) Okay, come on, Pollo. Let’s get you outta here.

DIONYSUS: I’m probably going to start cleaning up a bit. 

HEPHAESTUS: Do you want help?

DIONYSUS: (teasing) It looks like you’ve got your hands full already.

CALLIOPE: This, of course, was in reference to Aphrodite who had fallen asleep with her head in Hephaestus’ lap. 

DIONYSUS: I should be able to handle the cleanup since Hermes and Ares are feeding the cats. Didn’t expect Ares to be so good with animals.

HEPHAESTUS: I don’t think anyone did, honestly. (pause) Are you sure you don’t want help? I’m sure I can shift her onto the couch instead of on me.

DIONYSUS: Don’t worry about it, Phae. It’s not like we made that big of a mess anyway. I’ll be back in just a jiffy, alright? 

HEPHAESTUS: Yeah, okay. 

CALLIOPE: Hephaestus ran a hand through Aphrodite’s hair, gazing down at the other goddess fondly.

HEPHAESTUS: What am I going to do with you, huh? 

ARES: Have you seen–

HEPHAESTUS: Shhh! She’s sleeping!

ARES: (softer) Well that explains where she went. You were right, Hermes, she’s still here. I can take her off your hands if you’d like; we should probably get going anyway.

HEPHAESTUS: No! No, it’s alright. You can leave her for a little longer. Why don’t you go see if Dionysus needs any help? He insisted he didn’t, but maybe now that there’s free hands available…

ARES: (slightly wary) Okay, but if you need anything just let me know. You coming with me, Hermes, or are you staying with Phae?

HERMES: I’ll stay with Hephaestus for now. If you need any extra help, just let me know.

HEPHAESTUS: You two disappeared for a lot of the night.

HERMES: Phae…

HEPHAESTUS: I’m just saying–

HERMES: It’s not like that.

HEPHAESTUS: Once upon a time, I fully believed you but now… I don’t know, Herm. It’s like he’s looking at you with new eyes.

HERMES: You’re just telling me what I want to hear.

HEPHAESTUS: I wouldn’t. Seriously, Hermes, I wouldn’t. He’s looking at you differently. I don’t know how to explain it, I just–

APHRODITE: (grumbling sleepily) Is everything okay?

HEPHAESTUS: Everything’s fine, Dite, go back to sleep.

APHRODITE: (groggily) No, I should get up I… Gods, how long have I been asleep for?

HEPHAESTUS: Not long. Ares is in the kitchen with Di if you wanted to head out. Are you still coming over tomorrow?

APHRODITE: You’re showing me how to finish up the arrows, right? I wouldn’t miss that for the world. (yawns) I should get going though so Ares doesn’t have to carry me back.

HERMES: He’d probably make Dipper do it, honestly.

APHRODITE: (giggling) You’re absolutely right. It was lovely to see both of you. See you tomorrow, Phae. Hermes… I’ll see you the next time you hang out with Ares probably.

CALLIOPE: A very sleepy Aphrodite stumbled her way into the kitchen, waving her goodbyes as she went. After a few brief moments, the door could be heard and Dionysus returned, flopping onto the couch between Hermes and Hephaestus.

DIONYSUS: That went well I think!

HERMES: It was a lot of fun, Dion. Thanks for doing this.

DIONYSUS: So are we going to talk about how Ares was looking at you or…

HEPHAESTUS: That is exactly what I was saying!

HERMES: He wasn’t looking at me like anything, thank you very much.

DIONYSUS: Sure he wasn’t. And I’m not hooking up with Apollo. Hephaestus, do you have any lies you want to share?

HEPHAESTUS: Hmm, let’s see… I’m a cis man?

HERMES: (laughing) You’re both ridiculous, you know that? (pause) Was he actually, though?

DIONYSUS: Definitely.

HEPHAESTUS: 100%. I don’t even think he realized he was doing it.

DIONYSUS: I’d put money on him not realizing it. I’d even put 5 drachma on it.

HEPHAESTUS: You can’t bet on yourself and you know it! That’s insider trading or something like that. 

DIONYSUS: I don’t think you understand what insider trading means.

HEPHAESTUS: Oh like you do?

HERMES: I can almost guarantee that neither of you are in the human world long enough to know what insider trading is. I am in the human world often and I barely know what it is. But Phae is right, Dion: you can’t bet on yourself to win money that’s cheating.

DIONYSUS: But I can bet on Ares looking at you differently, right? I can put my money on that?

HERMES: If you really wanna lose your money, sure.

HEPHAESTUS: I think you’re a little too close to the situation to see it clearly, Herm. Take it from someone on the outside of it: something’s changed.

DIONYSUS: Speaking of changed… What’s going on with you and Aphrodite?

HEPHAESTUS: We’re friends? You know this, Di, you were so proud of me for actually making friends.

DIONYSUS: Yeah, sure, but when did you become sleeps on each other’s laps friends? Last I heard you were just texting a bunch through the wedding and hanging out afterwards. Has she also pack bonded with you? Do I need to establish my position in this pack again?

HEPHAESTUS: Relax, Di. She’s not pack bonded with me, she was just sleepy and I was the warmest and closest object. That’s all. 

HERMES: And you’re not the slightest bit interested in her?

HEPHAESTUS: I don’t think so? I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it. (joking) I’ll think on it and let you know.

HERMES: (fully serious) Good. That sounds like a good plan. 

HEPHAESTUS: Wait–

DIONYSUS: Nope, you’ve committed to thinking about it and letting us know. Words mean things, Phae! Can’t just say things and take them back. If you have to think about it, you’re probably not actually interested in her, but it doesn’t hurt to think about it anyway! 

HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) You’re both ridiculous, you know that? Why am I even friends with you?

DIONYSUS: Pack bonding.

HERMES: I delivered your mail and refused to leave.

HEPHAESTUS: That explains it. Maybe I’ll invent time travel to stop that from happening.

DIONYSUS: You know you love us too much to defy the laws of time. And it’s way more trouble than it’s worth because we’d both keep bothering you anyway.

HEPHAESTUS: (sighs dramatically) I guess that’s true. (fondly) Guess I’m stuck with you both.

CALLIOPE: And that, dear listeners, is where we shall leave things for today. This is a tale of friendship as well as one of love, never forget that. As our story continues to grow, so too do the bonds between our dear gods. I hope you enjoy seeing them as they develop. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.