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CALLIOPE: The time has come for us to turn the page and begin the next chapter of our story. Time has passed since we last left things, our newlyweds settling into their married life with the ease of pulling on an old sweater.

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.

We shall rejoin the story in the home of Aphrodite and Ares, roughly a month after the events of their wedding.

ARES: Come on, Dip. I know you can catch the treat in your mouth, you do it whenever Aph throws you one!

APHRODITE: He’s conning you into giving him more treats.

ARES: My son would never do such a thing. (pause) Would you, Dip?

APHRODITE: Have you seen this?

ARES: Yes, I told you, I’ve seen him catch them when you throw them!

APHRODITE: Not that. (newspaper shaking) This. 

ARES: ‘Since their wedding, the newly married Ares and Aphrodite have barely been seen, let alone seen together. Perhaps there is already trouble brewing in paradise’ What the fuck?

APHRODITE: Gods forbid that we might want to keep our private life private. I mean, seriously, it’s not like we go out any less than we did before! Did they think that being married would make us want to be out of our homes more? Just… showing off the fact that we’re married? Is that what married couples are supposed to do, because last I checked–

ARES: Aph, just. Take a breath, okay? I know you’re upset–

APHRODITE: Understatement of the century–

ARES: –But we can figure this out. Together, like we always do. 

APHRODITE: (anger deflating like a balloon) I just thought… I just thought that once we did this stupid wedding, that’d be it. They’d be done, move on to something else. But here we are, still in the stupid public eye and I just– 

ARES: I know, Dite. I know. 

APHRODITE: Will they ever stop?

ARES: …I don’t know. Maybe? I mean, it might take some time but they can’t talk about us forever. There will be something else that catches their interest eventually.

APHRODITE: Knowing our luck it’ll be Zeus fucking up again and us paying the price. 

ARES: There still hasn’t been anything said about him and Demeter at the wedding, right?

APHRODITE: Not a word. Either people really are just that oblivious or they’re just waiting until they get bored of us to change the narrative back to him. Phae said that Hades had it handled, but there’s only so much that he can do. And given the fact that I highly doubt Zeus has stopped trying to fuck Demeter–

ARES: Better to keep an eye on the papers. (sigh) Why couldn’t we have a normal king of the gods?

APHRODITE: Or no king of the gods. Imagine if we didn’t have to put up with this, I mean, it’s not like he really does anything kingly. He just likes that the mortals gave him a title and decided to make it everyone else’s problem. And everyone else just let him get away with it. (pause) Do… Do you think we made a mistake, Air?

ARES: With what? It’s not like we could’ve stopped Zeus from making himself king.

APHRODITE: No, not that. Following along with his plan, getting married… Did we make a mistake?

ARES: It may not have turned out how we thought it would, but I don’t think it was a mistake. We took the information we had at hand and made a choice; the fact that it turned out different than we thought doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right choice to make. I don’t have any regrets in marrying you, Dite. Do you?

APHRODITE: No. No regrets. You’re my best friend, if I was going to be fake real married to anyone, I’m glad it’s you. I just wish that people would see that they don’t have a right to know everything that’s going on with us at any given moment. I wish we could be free from it all like– (pause) Like Hephaestus is.

ARES: We could leave Olympus if you want. Just leave it all behind and tend to the mortal world in our own way. We don’t have to stay.

APHRODITE: All of the people we care about are here, Air. I can’t just ask you to leave them behind, not when I’m not even sure I could leave them behind. Running away from it all is a dream, not a reality. 

ARES: Then we’ll make the best of the hand we’ve been dealt. I know it’s tough and gods it’s fucking annoying, but we can do this. And like you said, there are people here who care about us– besides just us, of course. We’ll have support, no matter what.

APHRODITE: Yeah. Yeah, we will.

CALLIOPE: Speaking of the support they would have, I would like to draw your attention away from the home of Love and War to the forge on the outskirts of Olympus where Hephaestus sat with Dionysus and Hermes.

DIONYSUS: I still can’t believe this. Hephaestus, goddess of the forge, having two people over of her own volition? And saying it’s because they’re her friends?

HEPHAESTUS: Keep this up and it’ll just be me and one other person. I’m not above sending you home, Dionysus.

DIONYSUS: As if you’d truly be able to make me leave. I know all of the secret ways in, after all.

HEPHAESTUS: There aren’t any… You know what? I don’t even want to know. Did you want tea or coffee or anything, Hermes? Or wine, I’m sure Di can scrounge up some wine if that’s what you’re in the mood for.

HERMES: I’m fine, Phae. Thank you again for having me over. It’s… Nice. To see you outside of my usual work route.

HEPHAESTUS: (sincere) I meant what I said at the wedding, Hermes. We are friends, I’m just…

DIONYSUS: Bad at friendship unless the other person is really annoying about it?

HEPHAESTUS: Emphasis on really in Di’s case, but yes. He’s technically right. Technically.

DIONYSUS: The best kind of right!

HERMES: I appreciate it, Phae. Really. And I can be more annoying if you need me to be.

DIONYSUS: Yes!

HEPHAESTUS: No! No that’s really not necessary–

DIONYSUS: It’s too late for that, Phae, I’m recruiting Hermes to my army of annoying and you’ll just have to suffer through it.

HEPHAESTUS: And suffer I shall.

HERMES: I won’t be more annoying than I have to be, I promise. Just annoying enough to be funny.

CALLIOPE: Hephaestus opened her mouth to protest, but Dionysus cut her off before she could speak.

DIONYSUS: No, you can’t kick us out that easily. We know you love us.

HEPHAESTUS: Gods help me, I do. I really need to get better taste in friends. Maybe I’ll see what’s the fuss with Ares.

DIONYSUS: Speaking of! How are things going there, lover boy?

HERMES: I’ve already told you, Dion, we’re not– it’s not– He’s married!

DIONYSUS: To his best friend. For political reasons. It’s not like there’s anything romantic going on there, right Phae?

HEPHAESTUS: Why do you assume I know?

DIONYSUS: Because you’re always spending time with Aphrodite now. If there was something romantic going on there, I assumed she’d tell you. Isn’t that how girl talk works?

HEPHAESTUS: (flatly) Girl talk.

DIONYSUS: You– Alright, that’s on me, I shouldn’t generalize like that, but you know what I mean, right?

HEPHAESTUS: (sigh) If she has developed romantic feelings for Ares, that would be news to me. And as much as I detest the phrasing of ‘girl talk’, Di is right that she would’ve told me. I just don’t see how what we’re doing here isn’t the same as the ‘girl talk’ that Di mentioned before.

HERMES: She has a point, Dion. 

DIONYSUS: This can be girl talk if we want it to be. I’m not opposed to that. 

HEPHAESTUS: Anyway there’s nothing romantic going on there, Hermes. Not that I’m saying you have to do anything, but if you wanted to–

HERMES: I’m okay, I promise. Yeah, it sucks a bit. A lot, really, but he’s still my friend. Getting to be his friend is more than enough for me.

DIONYSUS: What about you, Phae?

HEPHAESTUS: What about me?

DIONYSUS: Are there any gods or goddesses or anything else in the mix that have caught your eye?

HEPHAESTUS: Are we seriously doing this?

HERMES: I’m curious. If you don’t mind sharing, that is.

DIONYSUS: Would you really deprive your new friend–

HEPHAESTUS: You know I would. (sigh) What’s brought this on, Di? We’ve been friends for ages and this is the first time you’ve ever said something remotely like this. What happened to being too aro to care about romantic nonsense?

DIONYSUS: What can I say, the romantic nonsense got interesting, at least from afar. I already know all about Hermes’ pining–

HERMES: Hey!

DIONYSUS: I feel like it makes sense that I would ask about yours.

HEPHAESTUS: You assume I’m pining?

DIONYSUS: I don’t know enough to make an assumption. That’s why I’m asking. Maybe you’re pining, maybe you’re not, but I figured if I was going to take the heat off of Hermes for a minute, I may as well ask about my oldest and dearest friend. You’ve been spending more time with people who aren’t me; for all I know, they could’ve introduced you to someone or someone could’ve caught your eye while out with other people.

HEPHAESTUS: (lying to herself as well as the others) There isn’t anyone who’s caught my eye. Sorry to disappoint. 

HERMES: It’s not a disappointment, Phae. Not everyone is looking for someone and given that you’re only just starting to engage with Olympus at all again I don’t blame you for not going for romance right away. As someone who never left Olympus outside of visiting Hades, there’s not much else for me to do but ‘pine’ as Dionysus said. Which, rude, Dion. I’m not pining, I’m…

DIONYSUS: Longing, yearning, wishing… It all comes back to pining, Hermes. That isn’t a bad thing, it’s kind of adorable honestly.

HERMES: I’m not adorable.

HEPHAESTUS: You kinda are, Herm.

HERMES: Oh come on, not you too!

HEPHAESTUS: It’s not my fault you’re adorable!

HERMES: I can’t believe I tried so hard to be friends with you for so long. 

HEPHAESTUS: We’re delightful and you know it. (pause) And you are adorable, Herm. I know you’re going to say something about how ‘it’s never going to happen’ and ‘I just need to get over it’ but it’s kinda… nice. To see someone talk about someone else so fondly. Dionysus is aro and I’m a mess so we don’t usually get to see people talking about others so romantically. It’s sweet.

DIONYSUS: If you really don’t want to talk about it, we’ll drop it. But if you wanted to share, this is a safe place to do so. You’ve officially joined the outcasts, Hermes. Welcome to our small but mighty club.

HERMES: I… Thank you. I guess in some ways it is nice to get to talk about him, I’m just worried that in the long run it will be me hurting myself more by letting myself hold on to these feelings that will go nowhere. I should just box it up, stop with this ridiculous pining as Dion said and just. Move on with my life.

DIONYSUS: If that’s what you want to do then that’s what you want to do. But speaking as someone who doesn’t really get this sort of thing, even I know that that isn’t really a healthy solution, Herm. Cutting yourself off from your emotions isn’t going to make them go away. If anything, this will hurt you worse than the pining will.

HEPHAESTUS: It doesn’t always help to hide. Especially when it’s hiding from yourself.

HERMES: I suppose you’re right. Still I… I don’t know.

DIONYSUS: Well, when you figure it out, we’ll be here for you.

HEPHAESTUS: Yeah. Whatever you need, you’re going to have people to support you.

HERMES: Thank you. Both of you.

CALLIOPE: I shall pull your attention away one last time for our return and cast your gaze over to the Underworld. Hera has just arrived in the sitting room of Hades and Persephone’s home, looking listless.

HERA: It’s just another item on the long list of things that Zeus and I don’t talk about. Honestly it might be easier to start keeping a list of the things that we do talk about; it would certainly be shorter. 

HADES: You don’t have to stay with him, Hera. Even if you stayed married, you can just–

HERA: And where would I go, Hades? Here? To the Underworld? Surely you know what that would look like. And don’t even think about bringing Hephaestus into this; I will not bring attention back to my daughter who fought so hard to escape it.

PERSEPHONE: At the very least can’t you get your own room in the house? 

HERA: I have my own room. It doesn’t stop him from seeing her in my bed.

HADES: I am going to have words with your mother, Sephie.

PERSEPHONE: You and I both. She should know better than this. She does know better than this, and yet, here we are–

HERA: I’m not sure what I’ve done recently to earn her spite. Unless she’s still upset with me blessing your union.

PERSEPHONE: Knowing her, she probably is. Which is ridiculous since Hades and I have been married for ages now and even if you hadn’t blessed the union we were still going to be married. If she’s choosing to take that out on you several centuries later by fucking your husband in your bed, then she’s even more of a cunt than I thought.

HADES: Persephone–

PERSEPHONE: I’m allowed to say that, Hades, it’s my mother. And she’s being a cunt.

HERA: We don’t know that it’s truly spiteful. It may just be her being… Charmed by my husband’s antics. She certainly wouldn’t be the first. I was the first to fall for his charms, I can hardly… It doesn’t matter. None of this matters, really. 

HADES: Your feelings matter, Hera. Regardless of what my brother would have you believe, they matter. You matter. And you will always have a home here in my domain should you choose to take it. You are like a sister to me, Hera, and I will always take care of my family.

PERSEPHONE: So long as they aren’t massive dicks, of course. 

HADES: (chuckling) Yes, my beloved is correct. I will always take care of my family as long as they aren’t hurting those I care about. I would choose you over Zeus in a heartbeat.

PERSEPHONE: We both would. You’re our family, Hera, and we protect what’s ours. 

CALLIOPE: And that, dear listeners, is where we shall leave our story for the day. There is much more to come from this tale– after all, we did promise this was a love story, did we not? Thank you as ever for listening.