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CALLIOPE: Our darling god of wine is up to something– nothing nefarious, but up to something indeed. And as he has tricks up his sleeve, so does our dear queen of the gods who is on her way to meet Dionysus now.

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.

We resume our story by closing in on Hera and Dionysus who– despite the oddness of their pairing– are hard at work together.

DIONYSUS: Are you sure this is a good idea?

HERA: I can’t remember the last time I was sure of anything. But it is an idea and it is one we’re currently engaged with bringing to life so if you have reservations you will need to step away now before it’s too late.

DIONYSUS: It’s not that I have reservations, it’s just… No, I suppose it is that I have reservations. 

HERA: Typically I wouldn’t turn to you for this, but my husband is going to make this entire wedding about himself if he’s not stopped so at the very least we can ensure that the reception is enjoyable for everyone.

DIONYSUS: I get that. Really, I do. But creating an ambrosia fountain–

HERA: Will lead to drunk gods trashing the place and distracting from the event at hand? That’s actually the point, Dionysus, I thought you picked up on that already.

DIONYSUS: I don’t know Aphrodite and Ares well, but I can’t imagine that this is what they’d want from their wedding.

HERA: That’s because they don’t even want to be having a wedding. (sigh) I’m trying to create cover for the two of them to be able to slip away from this mess. Either you help me or I’ll go find someone else who can.

DIONYSUS: Someone else with my talent for liquors?

HERA: Someone with more talent for building. 

DIONYSUS: …She would help, you know. If you asked.

HERA: …I know. Which is why I’m not asking. Asking her to make the rings was already a lot–

DIONYSUS: She liked the challenge of it, actually. And it got her a friend as well, so I think it was a net positive.

HERA: Ares or Aph?

DIONYSUS: Aphrodite. They got on much better than I thought they would– Don’t tell Phae I said that. I had told her beforehand that Aph isn’t that bad and I want to be able to take credit for their friendship.

HERA: They’re similar in ways you wouldn’t expect. (pause) Either way, just because my daughter has become friends with Aphrodite doesn’t mean I have the right to ask for another favor for this godsforsaken wedding. 

DIONYSUS: I think any chance to make Zeus a little miserable would be greatly appreciated.

HERA: (laughing) If we really get stuck, we can ask her. But less accomplices is always better for this kind of thing. So what do you say, Dionysus? Will you help me?

DIONYSUS: There was never a world in which I wasn’t going to help you with this. I just wanted to make sure that this was really what you wanted and what you thought would be good for this wedding. Although, as you rightfully pointed out, it’s not a wedding anyone really wanted so no one is going to care if it gets a little chaotic. (pause) Can I ask you something?

HERA: I can’t physically stop you.

DIONYSUS: You know what I mean.

HERA: I have nothing to hide anymore, Dionysus. Ask away.

DIONYSUS: Why did you let Aphrodite and Ares go along with this?

HERA: I didn’t want them to if that’s your question. I tried to get Aphrodite not to agree but… Well, you’ve seen what this place does to people. I’m certain it’s been done to you yourself; the people talk and talk and talk until you’re not sure who you are or what you’re doing anymore. She saw this as an escape from that. 

DIONYSUS: And Ares?

HERA: He’d do anything for her. The same as you would do anything for my daughter.

DIONYSUS: But don’t you think–

HERA: Of course I think all of this is ridiculous! Of course I’m angry on both Ares and Aphrodite’s behalf– I’m angry on my behalf! Zeus thinks he can just take and take and take and that everyone will always give and he’s right. We do all of this to appease his whims and I hate that. I hate that I’m not powerful enough to stop it, that no one is powerful enough to stop it. To stop him. I hate that Aphrodite and Ares will just be more names added to the list of people who gave up parts of themselves for Zeus’ ridiculous desires. They get to join me on the list of people who gave up their freedom to a megalomaniac who just doesn’t know when to stop. 

So yes, Dionysus. I think. Gods know all I do is think. 

DIONYSUS: I didn’t mean– (sigh) I’m sorry, Hera. I shouldn’t have… It doesn’t matter. I’m just… I’m sorry. 

HERA: What did I say about apologizing to me, Dionysus? 

DIONYSUS: It is necessary this time. I pushed too far, I can see when I’ve done that. And I’m sorry for it; I’m sorry that you’re in this mess to begin with.

HERA: Would you believe me if I said he wasn’t always like this?

DIONYSUS: Honestly? No.

HERA: (laughs) You know? I’m not sure I believe it anymore either. I keep telling myself that it was better– that he was better. Because he had to have been better, right? I wouldn’t just knowingly walk into the life of such an awful man? But the more time passes, the more unsure I become. Maybe I was always this foolish. Maybe I’ll always be this foolish.

DIONYSUS: Look, I’m not the best at the whole… Romance thing. It’s never really been an area I’ve cared for. But from what I’ve seen and from what Hermes has said to me: love makes people do foolish things. That doesn’t mean you were always a fool; you were just in love.

HERA: Perhaps you’re right. Maybe it was just because I didn’t see all of him for what he was but I did love Zeus. And for a time, he loved me. But that time has passed, for both of us. Now we’re just left with the wreckage.

CALLIOPE: Zeus, for his many, many flaws, was incredibly good at creating wreckage. Whether it be in relationships or politics or simply in existence, he finds a way to break what is brought before him. One person who knows this better than most is Hades, who– along with Persephone– just made his way to visit his favorite niece.

HEPHAESTUS: A text, Uncle Hades? Really? Not a crow? Or a raven? Or a Hermes? I’m reduced to simply receiving texts from you?

HADES: (smugly) I told you she would be upset by the lack of theatrics.

PERSEPHONE: (sarcastic but fond) Yes, yes, you were right and I’m the villain for not putting a bird to work to deliver your mail.

HEPHAESTUS: (audibly grinning) I’m not sure if it’s more rude to Hermes or the birds to be lumped in with that group. Come in, please, it’s so good to see you both.

PERSEPHONE: It has been far too long, hasn’t it. I meant to stop by the other day but there was an… Issue. That arose. 

HEPHAESTUS: Is everything alright?

HADES: It’s nothing you need to concern yourself with, Phae. I promise.

HEPHAESTUS: You do know that this makes me even more suspicious of you, yes? Did it have something to do with my mom? Di has been texting me all morning and if he’s worried about her, this means something had to have happened before to kickstart this spiral. So what is it?

PERSEPHONE: Just Zeus being Zeus, darling. Nothing you’re not aware of. Your uncle found out the whole story of why the wedding between Ares and Aphrodite was brought together and, well. Your mother needed support.

HEPHAESTUS: I should have–

HADES: There’s nothing you could have done, Phae. She barely wanted to talk to me about it; do you really think she would’ve told you the whole truth of the matter? 

HEPHAESTUS: She could have.

PERSEPHONE: But she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t want to burden you with that.

HEPHAESTUS: (sharply) My mother is not a burden to me.

PERSEPHONE: I never said that she was, darling. But she would see herself as burdening you if she told you what was going on. Tell me, Phae: how often does she bring her issues to you? How often do you bring your issues to her? (pause) Neither of you are good at opening up to each other; that doesn’t mean that there isn’t trust and care between the two of you.

HADES: All of this is to say that Hera is as fine as can be all things considered. I think the nature of this cover-up and how it intersects with her domain as well as her care for Aphrodite all makes it a bit more intense. 

HEPHAESTUS: I still can’t believe that Zeus thought a wedding was the right play to get the press out of his business. Nor can I believe it worked. Gods, can’t the people of Olympus see what he really is?

HADES: Olympus would rather laud Zeus than punish him. It’s always been that way. (sarcastic) He saved us from the Titans, after all. Because locking our father in Tartarus was definitely his idea and not my own. And of course Poseidon feeds his ego and– (sigh) No matter how much we may wish for it to be different, the people of Olympus will never see Zeus as he truly is. He’s charming, when he needs to be. People will fall for it every time.

PERSEPHONE: Enough about Zeus and this ridiculous wedding, though. How have you been, darling? 

HEPHAESTUS: I’ve been fine, Auntie Sephie. Just continuing to do my work. I’ve… I’ve made a friend, actually; other than Dionysus, I mean. Me and Aphrodite have been… We’re friends, I think. We started talking when I was making the rings for the wedding and, well… Yeah. Friends. 

HADES: That’s wonderful to hear, Phae. Not that there’s anything wrong with Dionysus–

PERSEPHONE: It’s just good to see you engaging with people other than him. I know he’s your best friend, but he doesn’t have to be your only friend. Not everyone on Olympus is an absolute terror.

HEPHAESTUS: Dionysus said basically the same thing. I guess Hermes has really been trying to befriend me and while I’ve been friendly, I haven’t ever really considered him a friend.

HADES: If there is anyone that you can trust, it’s Hermes. He’s one of the few gods that I would genuinely trust with my life.

PERSEPHONE: (fondly) He used to run messages between the two of us; I could hardly be seen with a gaggle of corvids around me delivering letters, after all. He never said a word, not even when my mother asked what all of the deliveries were about. Gods, he looked her straight in the eye and lied to her; he told her it was field reports from earth that I had asked him to get for me. If there is one thing he can do, it’s keep a secret.

HEPHAESTUS: (snorting) Please, he ratted me out to Di the second he thought I was being overly sad. (pause) I mean, he wasn’t wrong…

PERSEPHONE: He cares a lot. That’s one thing I learned about him very quickly is that he cares. 

HADES: I’ve only ever seen him reveal secrets when he was genuinely worried for someone. The fact that he did that on your behalf… Sephie is right, he cares.

HEPHAESTUS: Oh gods, you don’t think he’s trying to court me, is he? Is that why he was so insistent that someone could love me? Oh gods–

HADES: No!

PERSEPHONE: Absolutely not!

HADES: He’s gay, Phae. So incredibly gay. 

PERSEPHONE: Gayest man I’ve ever seen.

HADES: Could not date a woman if he tried. And he wouldn’t even bother to try. Because he’s gay.

PERSEPHONE: Extremely gay.

HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) Alright, alright, you’ve made your point! I’m… I’m glad I don’t have to worry about any ulterior motives with him then. 

HADES: Unless he’s committed to an incredibly long con, then no, nothing to worry about. He’s a good kid.

PERSEPHONE: If I can circle back–

HEPHAESTUS: Please do.

PERSEPHONE: Are you going to be attending the wedding? I’m assuming since you and Aphrodite are friends now you would want to do so.

HEPHAESTUS: Oh, um. I’m not sure about all that. I mean, I’m barely even invited–

HADES: Literally the whole of Olympus is invited. 

HEPHAESTUS: And I’m not really– Me and Olympus aren’t– It just wouldn’t be a good idea. I wouldn’t want to detract from her day.

PERSEPHONE: Why do you and your uncle always assume you’ll be detracting from the wedding by attending? I swear, the two of you… I bet she’d want you there, Phae. And don’t you want to see the ring you made in action?

HEPHAESTUS: As if I could possibly sit close enough to actually see the rings being exchanged. There’s no way that I get there early enough to beat the press to the front seats and there wouldn’t be one reserved for me.

HADES: I feel very similar to how you’re feeling, but as my darling wife said: Aphrodite would want you there.

HEPHAESTUS: …I don’t really think we’re that kind of friends, you know?

PERSEPHONE: (sigh) I won’t push you, darling. But please just… Think about it?

HEPHAESTUS: I’ll think about it.

CALLIOPE: If I could, I’d like to borrow your attention for one final moment, dear listeners. There is a fascinating conversation happening between everyone’s favorite twins that I think you would like to hear.

APOLLO: So you really think this wedding is a good idea?

ARTEMIS: That’s what I told Aphrodite, isn’t it?

APOLLO: Yes, but now I want you to tell me. You’ve never lied to me before, Arte. 

ARTEMIS: (sigh) I can understand how Aphrodite came to the conclusion that it’s a good idea.

APOLLO: But–

ARTEMIS: But I personally wouldn’t put myself in that position. The people will never be satisfied with what little they’re able to get from this story; there will always be a demand for more and now Dite will have to play the role of loving wife to a man she isn’t even in love with. All while knowing that he was in love with her, even if he’s not anymore. It just sounds like a mess to me, and not a mess worth the time. 

APOLLO: She’d listen to you if you told her that.

ARTEMIS: She’s already made up her mind, Pollo. And the wedding is so close… It’s not worth trying to raise doubts now. Either it will work as she thinks it will or it won’t.

APOLLO: Zeus had to have done something awful, right? Or something worse than usual? You were right yesterday, it’s a ridiculously large cover up if this is just a normal affair.

ARTEMIS: (teasingly) Since when were you such a gossipmonger?

APOLLO: I’m just curious! Don’t tell me you’re not curious.

ARTEMIS: Of course I’m curious, but I also know when a line of questioning will lead nowhere. Unless you manage to get Zeus himself to tell you what happened, I doubt we’ll ever know the truth. I’ve seen everything thrown around from surprise pregnancies to murder; and now that everyone’s focused on the wedding, no one’s even bothering to dig. Just let it lie, Apollo.

APOLLO: For the goddess of the hunt, you really don’t want to chase information, huh?

ARTEMIS: I’m more focused on game hunting than gossip hunting, sorry to disappoint. 

APOLLO: Well, whatever it is, I hope that it’s worth Aphrodite and Ares throwing their lives away.

CALLIOPE: And that, dear listeners, is where I shall leave you. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.