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CALLIOPE: I bet you worried we had forgotten about a few important conversations that need to be had, but fear not, dear listeners. The time is at hand and the king of the Underworld is ready for us.

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.

We rejoin the ruling couple of the Underworld as they prepare to set off for some very interesting conversations indeed.

PERSEPHONE: And you’re certain you don’t want to come with me to talk to Aphrodite?

HADES: As much as I hate to be away from your side, my love, I think my time is better spent going to see Hera. If things are truly as Hermes says them to be, then my sister-in-law will need support.

PERSEPHONE: Alright, my love. I trust that you know what you’re doing. Do give my love to Hera, won’t you?

CALLIOPE: We shall first follow after our dear friend Hades as he makes his way into Olympus proper, heading for the home of his brother. Whatever hopes he had of making it in and out of Olympus without seeing his brother were quickly dashed as the king of the gods made his presence known on the walk up to the house.

ZEUS: Ah, brother mine. What brings you up to my neck of the woods? It’s been some time since I’ve last seen you.

HADES: Zeus.

ZEUS: And why the cold shoulder? Surely I can’t have done anything to upset you without even seeing you.

HADES: I’m here to see Hera, if you must know. I’m sure you have better things to do than bother me; why don’t you run along?

ZEUS: Seeing Hera, you say? I didn’t realize you two were still close.

HADES: I’d imagine there are many things you don’t realize. I’m truly not in the mood, Zeus. Don’t make me ask you to leave again.

ZEUS: Touchy. Fine, fine. I can tell when I’m not wanted. I really should return to wedding planning, honestly. The wedding of the millenia isn’t planned in a day after all. 

(surprisingly earnest) It is good to see you, brother. Perhaps we can catch up some other time.

HADES: (Cautiously kind) …Yes. Perhaps we can.

CALLIOPE: Zeus chose then to take his leave, allowing Hades to make his way up to the house. Hera, unaware of her brother-in-law’s plans, sat in the kitchen with Dionysus.

DIONYSUS: You know I wouldn’t be here if there weren’t a reason.

HERA: I know, Dionysus. Is everything alright with my daughter?

DIONYSUS: She is as she always is: far too stubborn and hard working, could probably use more friends than just me and my cats, but is doing well. No, your majesty–

HERA: You can call me Hera, Dionysus. You more than earned the right for watching after Hephaestus for so long.

DIONYSUS: …Hera, then. I owe you an apology.

HERA: What could you possibly owe me an apology for? 

DIONYSUS: I thought you had abandoned Hephaestus. Phae… She keeps her heart so close to her chest and I thought that it was because you had cast her aside. It recently came to my attention that that isn’t the case and that you’re still here because of her. Staying in this horrible place to keep the attention off of her. So I apologize, Hera. I’m sorry for misjudging you and how you care for your daughter.

HERA: While I appreciate the apology, it really is unnecessary. You have been by her side far more than I have been able to; I’m grateful she has you. I wish I could do more for her.

HADES: I think that’s a sentiment we all share.

HERA: Hades! Gods, you gave me a fright. How long have you been there?

HADES: Not long, I promise. I hope you can forgive me for the intrusion– and for the eavesdropping. It’s good to see you, Hera. You as well, Dionysus.

DIONYSUS: I’m surprised to see you top-side, Hades. You should stop by and see Phae if you weren’t already planning to. I’m sure she’d love to see you.

HADES: If not today, then I will certainly come to see her soon. I’m afraid I’m here on business, though, Hera. Or… Not business, but rather as a wellness check. I’ve been… made aware that the wedding currently being planned was an attempt at my brother to force someone else into the limelight. It must’ve been pretty bad to warrant all of this, so I wanted to make sure you’re okay.

HERA: I’m… I’m doing as well as can be expected, honestly. Finding out that your husband had an orgy in your home is never anyone’s idea of a good time, but… But the focus shifting to Aphrodite and Ares pulls me out of the limelight as well. I wish it didn’t come at the cost of forcing them to marry, but Aphrodite keeps trying to assure me that they would back down if they wanted to.

HADES: If you need anything–

HERA: I know, Hades. Thank you, truly. And how is Persephone?

HADES: Sephie sends her love. I’m sure she would’ve done the same for you had she known you were going to be here, Dionysus. She still raves about the pomegranate wine you made for her.

DIONYSUS: If she wants more, just let me know. I can either bring it down or have Hermes do a delivery for me. 

(chair moving)

DIONYSUS (CONT.): I should let the two of you talk, though. Thank you for your time, Hera.

(footsteps)

HADES: Now that you don’t have to put on a brave face for the crowd, how are you really feeling, Hera?

HERA: (sighing) I didn’t lie before. I’m doing as well as can be expected–

HADES: An orgy in your bed while you were out of the house. He’s lucky he can’t die because I would kill him for that.

HERA: It’s nothing I haven’t grown to expect from him, honestly. I’m not even mad when he does this anymore, I’m just tired. Tired of his desires forcing our household into the papers, tired of his excuses, tired of wondering what I’m doing wrong. 

HADES: Hera…

HERA: I know, I know. It’s nothing I’ve done, it’s everything to do with him and who he is and how he refuses to change I just wish… 

HADES: I know you do. I meant what I said before, you know. There’s always a place in the Underworld for you.

HERA: …I think about it. More often than I’d like to admit. In my dreams I’m far away from this place– Hephaestus is with me and we’re both safe from the relentless gaze of Olympus. Just me and my daughter, finally at peace. And then I wake up and I’m still here, still within his grasp, still trying to figure out what the point of it all is. Still trying to figure out why I love him enough to stay when he doesn’t even care about me anymore.

HADES: Do you? Love him, that is.

HERA: It’s hard to say. Sometimes I think I do– why else put myself through this? But sometimes I think I just love what we used to be. Aphrodite asked me about this the other day; wanted to know if we had ever been in love. And I know we had been, I just don’t know when we stopped. When he stopped.

HADES: There’s still time to leave.

HERA: I don’t think there is. Not anymore.

CALLIOPE: You’ll have to forgive me, dear listeners, for drawing your attention away. What passes between Hera and Hades now is too personal to leave for wandering ears. We shall instead follow Persephone, who has just arrived at Aphrodite’s door as she is headed out.

APHRODITE: Persephone! I wasn’t expecting to see you– is everything alright?

PERSEPHONE: Everything’s fine, Dite. I just wanted to come check in on you. Are you headed somewhere?

APHRODITE: I’m actually headed to see Hephaestus. Walk with me?

PERSEPHONE: I’d love to. 

So, how have you been?

APHRODITE: Ask what you actually want to ask, Sephie. You and I both know the fake small talk will just drive us both up the wall.

PERSEPHONE: (laughing) Alright, yes, I did come here with ulterior motives.

APHRODITE: (teasing) I knew it. So, what does the goddess of Spring want from me today, hmm?

PERSEPHONE: I’ve heard through the grapevine that this wedding wasn’t exactly your idea. I just wanted to make sure you’re actually okay with what’s going on.

APHRODITE: Ah. That. It’s… I’ve made my peace with it.

PERSEPHONE: (sarcastic) Yes, exactly what every person wants to hear when asking about a wedding. Why say yes to it if you don’t want to?

APHRODITE: Remember how the papers used to run a story every time you were seen with Hades? And this was before you were even dating, before you thought to marry him at all, they just ran story after story after story. That’s what it’s like for me every day of my life. If it’s not me and Ares then it’s me and whoever happened to hold the door open for me at the library or whatever minor god wanted to get into the tabloids. I thought that maybe if I just married Ares all of that would stop. Or, at the very least, it would stop bothering me so much.

‘When will the goddess of love finally find love for herself?’ plastered on every last magazine and newspaper, on the tips of everyone’s tongues without even once considering that I might not even want that for myself. That the way I fall in love– if I even fall in love at all– might not be how they want it to be or how they think it should happen. They just talk and talk and talk and never stop to consider that they’re talking about a person. When Zeus asked me and Ares to get married, all I could think was that ‘at least they will only have one story to try and spin now’. 

PERSEPHONE: …When I finally decided to marry Hades, all of the people I knew were asking if I knew what I was doing, if I had thought this through, if I truly loved him enough to marry him. And the entire time all I kept thinking was ‘I know my life better than you will ever know it’. You know your life and your needs better than I or anyone else ever will, Aph. I’m sorry to become another person asking if you’ve thought this through, I just… I got worried, once I heard that this was Zeus’s idea and not yours.

APHRODITE: Honestly, that’s a very logical response. Anyone following through with one of Zeus’s ideas is rarely a good sign. But I promise I’ve thought this through and I’ve talked to Ares about it. It’s messy and complicated for a marriage, but he’s still my best friend and we won’t let anything sacrifice that.

CALLIOPE: Since we have already mentioned Ares, it feels like as good a time as any to bring you over to his home. We join Ares just as Hermes has arrived and been let into the house. 

HERMES: Thanks for having me over for dinner.

ARES: Of course, Herm. I’ve been wanting to have you around for ages but our schedules never seemed to line up.

DIPPER: (bear noises)

ARES: Oh, right, have you met Dipper?

HERMES: You have a bear?

ARES: Yeah, the little guy’s home was destroyed in battle and I couldn’t just leave him. I tried to get Artemis to take him since wildlife is more her thing, but she said he wanted to stay with me. Still don’t know if she was fucking with me or not, but he seems happy enough here.

HERMES: …Why Dipper?

ARES: Well, the mortals call parts of Ursa Major and Minor the big and little dipper and I thought, ‘here’s this bear, can’t just call him Ursa, that’s just calling him bear’. So. Dipper.

HERMES: (fondly) You’re full of surprises, aren’t you Air?

ARES: I’ve been told that I can be.

(pause)

HERMES: So you’re getting married then?

ARES: (sheepishly) Yeah… It’s… It’s a little more complicated than that but yeah. Zeus needed the press off his back and Dite–

HERMES: Ah.

ARES: Don’t say it like that, Hermes, it’s not like that. Yes, I’ve loved her for… Gods, for how long I can’t even say. But just because I love her doesn’t mean it’s reciprocated. 

HERMES: But you’re going to marry her anyway? Doesn’t that seem… painful?

ARES: It probably seems that way, but it really isn’t. I love Dite, this is true, but she’s also my best friend. Doing this… It helps her out, gets the press off her back as much as it does for Zeus. Stars, Herm, have you seen some of the things they say about her? No one deserves that– well, Zeus does, but Aphrodite doesn’t. And yes, of course I’d love it if she loved me like that but she doesn’t and that’s okay. We’re friends and that’s more important to me than anything else.

HERMES: I’m just worried about you, Ares. You’re… You’re giving a lot of yourself away, I don’t want you to get hurt.

ARES: I appreciate the concern, Herm. But I promise I’ll be fine. She’s not taking advantage of me or anything– trust me, she’s given me a million outs. I just… Even if it’s not real, there’s still something kinda nice about being married to your best friend, right?

HERMES: …Yeah, I can imagine there would be.

ARES: Enough about my love or lack there of life. Are you still trying to court Hephaestus?

HERMES: (spluttering) I– what?

ARES: I mean, you’re always lamenting the fact that you can’t get her to talk to you–

HERMES: I’m not trying to court her– for fuck’s sake, Air, I thought you knew me better than this. It’s not– I want to befriend her. The only person I ever see around there is Dionysus and while he’s lovely and a great friend, I just…

ARES: Worry about her. You do a lot of worrying, don’t you?

HERMES: When you see as much of Olympus as I do, you tend to pick up on a lot of people’s worries. I just don’t want her to be lonely out there, not when she can have another friend.

ARES: We’ll both do a lot for friendship, huh? You’ll bother a goddess who doesn’t want to be bothered and I’ll marry a goddess who doesn’t want to be married. What a pair we make.

DIPPER: (sad bear noises)

ARES: You’re right, Dip. We’ve gotten far too mopey far too quickly.

HERMES: You can speak to the bear?

ARES: Well, no. But sometimes it’s nice to ascribe meaning to the noises he makes. He’s a bit like a dog, really. A big, bear shaped dog, but a dog still. 

HERMES: Well he’s very cute and seems like a very good boy. It must be cool to have a bear who trusts you so much.

ARES: Who knows? Maybe you’ll have a bear of your own one day.

HERMES: (wistful but not for bear ownership) Yeah, maybe.

ARES: Until then, you’re always welcome here to hang out with Dipper. And with me, I guess, but I’m less exciting than a bear.

HERMES: I happen to like hanging out with you, you know. (pause) What does Aphrodite think of Dipper?

ARES: They’re actually great friends! Since Dite is here so often, Dip’s really warmed up to her.

HERMES: I guess that will be good for when you two get married, huh?

ARES: Are you sure you’re doing okay? You seem a little… Sad.

HERMES: It’s nothing, Air. I guess I’m just… Thinking about marriage and how that doesn’t seem like something in the cards for me.

ARES: Don’t say that, Hermes. Anyone would be lucky to have you.

HERMES: (with the force of severe emotional damage) Thanks, Ares. I appreciate it.

CALLIOPE: It is here that we shall draw our story to a close for the day, dear listeners. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.