Home

CALLIOPE: In a home nestled next to a mighty forge, there laid a goddess desperately seeking inspiration for an object she had never had to forge before. On the opposite side of Olympus, a different (but no less important to our story) goddess was staring at the ceiling of her room, wondering if it crashing upon her would remove the fate that she had chosen to undertake.

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.

We rejoin our story today in the forge of Hephaestus, goddess of the forge, hard at work on something that almost resembled a ring.

HEPHAESTUS: Why did I agree to do this? This was so stupid. I don’t make jewelry, I make weaponry! And sculptures. And automatons when I feel like it. But jewelry? 

HERMES: You talking to yourself in here, Phae?

HEPHAESTUS: (threatening jokingly) We’re not on those terms yet and you know it, Hermes. What are you doing here?

HERMES: Delivery! Seems like… A lot of silver. And gold. And… precious stones? Hephaestus, are you trying something new?

HEPHAESTUS: Tell a soul and you’ll never get the replacements for those wings of yours.

HERMES: I’m known for my discretion and you know that. If I wasn’t, a lot more people would know about the kinds of things Zeus gets delivered that he specifically requests Hera not see.

HEPHAESTUS: Let me guess, this has included nymphs in plant form for him to-

HERMES: My dear Phae, I just said I was good at discretion, don’t make me betray my own words. So what are you doing with all of these precious materials then?

HEPHAESTUS: If you must know, I’m making wedding rings.

HERMES: I didn’t realize you were getting married. No invitation for your favorite god?

HEPHAESTUS: (snorts dismissively) Not only are you not my favorite god- that honor lies solely with Hades- I’m not the one getting married. Gods, can you imagine that? Someone getting married to me? I’d never wish that upon anyone.

HERMES: Woah, hey, slow down there, Hephaestus. You’re a catch-

HEPHAESTUS: I am a shut-in goddess who was so hated by the disgrace of a man married to her mother that I was chucked off the mountain as an infant. I had to piece myself back together with metal and my own determination. The only reason I didn’t change my name when I transitioned was because I loved it too much to let the rest of society decide that I needed to give that up to be a woman. I’m loud and abrasive and don’t like dealing with people–

HERMES: That’s it, I’m calling Dionysus.

HEPHAESTUS: Don’t you dare.

HERMES: Hey, Dionysus. Yeah, sorry for the early wake up call, I just- You know I wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t important, I do save your deliveries for last on purpose so I’m sure you’re awake. (pause) It’s Hephaestus, Dion. Yeah, real self-deprecating shit. Have you ever known her to listen to me? That’s what I thought, you should get over here.

(click) Now, what were you saying?

HEPHAESTUS: You are the worst.

HERMES: Please, we both know that’s Zeus. All of Olympus knows that’s Zeus. I’m just the guy who won’t listen to you talk down to yourself when you’re a wonderful person.

HEPHAESTUS: You are a mailman with dreams above his station. Get out of my house.

HERMES: Fine, fine. Only because I know Dion is on his way. But believe me, Hephaestus: you’re so much better than you give yourself credit for and anyone would be lucky to have you. I mean it.

(door)

HEPHAESTUS: (muttering) Meddlesome gods and their stupid niceties. Calling my best friend on me for speaking the truth. 

(knocking)

Just come in, Di, you’ve never bothered knocking before.

APHRODITE: (muffled) And if I’m not Dionysus?

HEPHAESTUS: Shit! (muttering) Stupid fucking god, making me lose track of time– 

(clattering, then a door opening)

Aphrodite, hi. Come on in, sorry I lost track of time. 

APHRODITE: It’s alright, Hephaestus. Thank you again for seeing me on such short notice. I’m certain Hera has already told you some of what is going on, but if she’s rushed or pressured you–

HEPHAESTUS: It’s fine, Aphrodite, don’t worry about it. I could’ve told her no if I really needed to. 

APHRODITE: Well, I appreciate it either way.

HEPHAESTUS: (awkwardly) So… you’re getting married then? 

APHRODITE: It’s a… recent development.

CALLIOPE: If, dear listeners, Hephaestus happened to notice a stray newspaper with Zeus’s most recent indiscretion on it that was merely happenstance and had nothing to do with your humble narrator at all.

HEPHAESTUS: Ah. This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with that sorry excuse of a god my mother is married to, would it? No wonder she was so insistent on the rings needing to be perfect, this is a favor to her.

APHRODITE: If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t know you were going to be the one she asked. I know this isn’t your usual fair- both the jewelry and working with me. Had I known, I never would’ve had you dragged into this.

HEPHAESTUS: It’s not my usual fair but it does pose a fun challenge. And it could be fun to make something beautiful for a change.

APHRODITE: But you make beautiful work all the time! I’ve seen the daggers you’ve made for Ares, they’re stunning. Damascus steel with a woven copper handle that was reinforced with magic? To die for. Oh and Artie’s bow was a work of genius, the way you twisted the silver around the wood- And the statue in Persephone’s garden! The one that Demeter hates? Wrought iron with rubies throughout that just sparkle no matter what time of day… 

HEPHAESTUS: (flustered) I didn’t realize you were such a fan.

APHRODITE: (flustered) I- well… I just find it interesting, is all. I so rarely get to handle weaponry- Eros’s arrows hardly count, they’re basically just air with the idea of love infused into them. It’s just… Interesting.

CALLIOPE: The length of silence that followed was far too awkward to make for good storytelling. Just picture a slightly uncomfortable silence and double the amount of time you instinctively think it went on for.

HEPHAESTUS: So the wedding rings-

APHRODITE: Right! Yes, the rings. I have been told that I can choose the designs but honestly I don’t even know where to start with it.

HEPHAESTUS: Well… (clunk of metal being set down) Whatever you have in mind is probably better than this.

APHRODITE: Is this… Iron?

HEPHAESTUS: It’s all I had on hand. Well, I had some bronze as well but not nearly as much and- Actually, choosing iron was very foolish given what I’m working on. I swear, I’m much better at this than it seems from this ring–

APHRODITE: Do I need to bring up the list of my favorite of your creations again?

HEPHAESTUS: (laughing) You know… You’re not what I expected?

APHRODITE: What did you expect?

HEPHAESTUS: For you to be like all of the other Olympians. Nice without being kind. 

(pause)

It’s not because of anything you did! I… I mean, I’m sure you can’t even remember the last time you saw me around, and that’s on purpose. I don’t go to Olympus proper anymore because of everyone there. Dionysus keeps telling me that not everyone is like that but it’s just…

APHRODITE: Easier to distance yourself?

HEPHAESTUS: Exactly.

APHRODITE: You are right, you know. The people of Olympus are often far less kind than they should be, I mean, look at how they’re treating your mom. Just because she has to be married to Zeus, they treat her like an idiot or a callous bitch. I’m sorry that you’ve gotten caught up in all of that.

HEPHAESTUS: …Do they ever talk about me?

APHRODITE: Honestly? No. There were some comments around your transition but Dionysus killed anyone who was saying anything bad about you- quite literally. It was a sight to see, I will admit.

HEPHAESTUS: Yeah, that’s Di for you. In all honesty, I’d rather all of Olympus keep my name out of their mouths, so it’s for the best that no one is talking about me. Wouldn’t want Dionysus to have to kill anyone else.

APHRODITE: They all got better. Apollo is one hell of a medicine god when he wants to be. Not as good as Asclepius, but don’t tell him I said that.

(small pause) You’re not what I expected either.

HEPHAESTUS: Really?

APHRODITE: You’re funnier than I thought you’d be.

HEPHAESTUS: Yes, well, I suppose hanging out with Dionysus at all times does have some benefits.

DIONYSUS: What’s this about my friendship having benefits?

HEPHAESTUS: Hmm, no, I take it back. I hate this man.

(Aphrodite giggles)

DIONYSUS: Wow, Phae, I’m hurt! Not only did I have to find out from Hermes that you’re beating yourself up again, but now you’re conspiring against me with the goddess of love?

HEPHAESTUS: We aren’t conspiring for jack shit, Di. She’s here for– Actually, it’s none of your business why she’s here. Go get set up in the kitchen since I know there’s no getting rid of you for the rest of the day. I’m going to finish up here and I swear to the River Styx if I hear you attempting to eavesdrop I will push you into the furnace.

DIONYSUS: Fine, fine. I’ll get started on some food for you since I know you’ve been in here… (sniffs) All night? Really, Phae? (pause) No need to glare, I’m going.

HEPHAESTUS: I’m sorry about him.

APHRODITE: Don’t be. I… You could’ve told him, you know. It’s practically common knowledge at this point; Zeus ran the story in the papers this morning. ‘All is Fair in Love and War: The Upcoming Wedding of Aphrodite and Ares’, it’s all I’ve seen all morning.

HEPHAESTUS: You and Ares?

APHRODITE: Yeah, me and Ares. He’s my best friend, after all, and he loves me. To be married to someone– to get to spend a life with someone– who loves me, even if I don’t love him in the same way, it has to be enough, right? We’ve been friends for so long and in my own way I do love him just not… Not as a husband. But he does love me, romantically and platonically, and that’s enough. That has to be enough. It was all I was ever going to get so it’s… It’s enough.

HEPHAESTUS: …It doesn’t sound like that’s enough for you.

APHRODITE: I don’t have a choice, Zeus–

HEPHAESTUS: Is a piece of shit. You can tell him no. You don’t need to- to throw your chance at happiness away for him.

APHRODITE: …I wonder, sometimes, if I’m standing in the way of my own happiness. Ares would be– will be– a good husband. He’s my best friend.

HEPHAESTUS: And Di is mine, but you don’t see us getting married. (pause) Look, just think about it, alright? I’m sorry to cut this short, but there’s going to be no shaking Dionysus out of here after what he heard this morning. Maybe we can try again next week? I know your wedding planning non– Your wedding planning will be taking up a lot of time.

APHRODITE: You can call it nonsense, it’s okay. Yeah, I think next week will work. Here, let me give you my number so we don’t have to go through Hera again.

Thanks, Hephaestus.

HEPHAESTUS: No problem.

(Door knob. Pause)

APHRODITE: You know… You’re much kinder than anyone believes. If you wanted… Olympus would benefit from your kindness if you wanted to come back.

(door)

(different door)

HEPHAESTUS: You didn’t have to come, you know.

DIONYSUS: You know that’s not true.

HEPHAESTUS: I’m fine, Di.

DIONYSUS: Hermes said–

HEPHAESTUS: What’s up with you and Hermes anyway? Are you… making friends? That thing you assured me you didn’t have?

DIONYSUS: I am making friends, actually. Friends who tell me very interesting gossip but don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing here. I’m here for you right now; yes, because he called me, but for you. He told me some of the stuff you were saying, Phae. Do you honestly believe that?

HEPHAESTUS: Di–

DIONYSUS: Hephaestus, please.

HEPHAESTUS: (sighing) It’s… It’s more complicated than that, Di. What I said wasn’t untrue, but it’s not– I’m– Everything’s fine. It was just a weird morning because I was thinking about marriage and talking to Hermes and stayed up too late trying to make this piece my mom commissioned which is why I started with iron instead of a reasonable material. I’m fine.

DIONYSUS: You’re my best friend, you know that right?

HEPHAESTUS: And you’re mine.

DIONYSUS: So believe me when I say that all those things you told Hermes? They aren’t true, Phae. You’re so much kinder than you give yourself credit for.

HEPHAESTUS: …She said the same thing.

DIONYSUS: Aphrodite?

HEPHAESTUS: Yeah, before she left. She said I was kind.

DIONYSUS: Do you believe her?

HEPHAESTUS: …Jury’s still out on that one.

CALLIOPE: If you’ll forgive me for cutting into the emotional conversation that is sure to follow with Hephaestus and Dionysus, I’d like to draw your attention back to Aphrodite as she makes her way to see Ares once more.

ARES: Hey, Aph. How’d the ring making go?

APHRODITE: I… Fine. It went fine.

ARES: Are you okay?

APHRODITE: Are we making a mistake?

ARES: It’s not too late to tell him no.

MISCELLANEOUS MINOR GOD: Oh my stars, it’s you! I’m so happy for the two of you, congratulations on your engagement! 

ARES: …Okay, it might be a little late.

APHRODITE: I… I stand by what I said yesterday; this is a good option for me. You’re my best friend, the person I trust most in this world; if anyone was going to believe that I had suddenly decided to get married, it would have to be to you. But it’s not fair for me to push this onto you; this… It’s enough for me, Air. It’s all I was ever going to get anyway, I don’t have time to fall in love. But you… You have time. And you deserve something that’s more than enough.

ARES: You’re my best friend. And I have loved you for such a long time, Aph. I’ve loved you enough to know that this– what we’re doing here– is more than enough for me if it’ll make you happier. Like you said before, if I fall in love with someone else, we can figure that out but for right now? For right now you’re my best friend and it would be an honor to be married to you, even if it’s just to get Zeus out of the papers for a couple months. Worst comes to worst, I get to be platonically married to my best friend for the rest of our lives; that doesn’t seem too bad to me all things considered. 

APHRODITE: And you’re sure?

ARES: As long as you’re sure, so am I.

APHRODITE: Thank you, Ares. Gods, what would I do without you?

ARES: If Zeus had his way, you’d be married off to someone who is way less cool. At least now you get to have the coolest husband on Olympus.

APHRODITE: (snorting) Well, that bar is so low that Hades has to step over it to go about his day. 

ARES: (laughing) Do you think Hades will come to the wedding?

APHRODITE: If he does, then you won’t be the coolest husband on Olympus. 

ARES: How dare!

APHRODITE: Sorry, Air, that’s just how the rules work.

CALLIOPE: I will leave you with that, dear listeners, as the gods move into the rest of their day and start the preparations for a wedding no one ever expected. It seems highly unlikely that you would want to listen to all of the pesky wedding planning details, after all. It’s a far too complex and annoying process, even for the gods themselves. 

Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.