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CALLIOPE: Weddings are, in the simplest sense, a promise. They are a commitment between people that says “I will be with you always and love you through the highs and lows”. They are a joining of lives– lives that were already so entangled in each other that it felt only right to weave them even further together. Weddings are a beginning.

And, in the case of Aphrodite and Ares, their wedding is an ending.

It’s an ending to the onslaught of bad-faith news articles. It’s the end of the onslaught of time with Zeus for wedding planning. It’s the end of their lives fully separated from each other.

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.

We join our story once more, this time with Aphrodite and Ares as they break wedding tradition and get ready together.

ARES: You need to stop moving if you don’t want me to mess up your eyeliner.

APHRODITE: I know, I know, I’m just…

ARES: Fidgety. While I have a pencil by your eye. Truly the worst time to be fidgety. (pause) It’s not too late to back out.

APHRODITE: As much as I appreciate the sentiment, it’s definitely too late to back out. 

ARES: We can always shave our heads, change our names, and flee into the human world. They’d never find us there.

APHRODITE: Don’t think I haven’t considered that. We’ve come this far, Air. Might as well see it through to the end.

ARES: (teasing) Ah, what every man wants to hear on his wedding day. Now, will you hold still so I can do your eyeliner? (pause) It’s all going to be okay, Dite. I promise.

APHRODITE: I know it will be, I’m just… it’s finally starting to feel real. We’re really doing this.

ARES: Yeah. Yeah we are. Okay, go ahead and  have some blinking time, then I’ll do the other eye.

APHRODITE: Did you ever think we’d be getting ready for a wedding together?

ARES: Oh, all the time. Granted, I didn’t think we’d be getting ready for our wedding together, but… you know, I always thought we’d help each other get ready for our weddings; separate weddings, to separate people. 

APHRODITE: You would want me to help you get ready for your wedding?

ARES: Aph that’s literally what we’re doing right now.

APHRODITE: You know what I mean.

ARES: …I would. There’s no one in the world I trust like I trust you; you wouldn’t let me go out to my own wedding looking like a fool. Not unless I asked you to.

APHRODITE: (teasing) As if I could stop you from looking like a fool on your wedding day. (pause) I’m sorry you don’t get to have that.

ARES: Well, I’m getting to have that right now. And you’ve already promised me a divorce if I fall in love, so I could have that in the future if the stars align.

APHRODITE: Thank you for being so calm about all of this.

ARES: You don’t have to keep thanking me. We’re best friends; this is what we do.

(knocking)

HERA: Can I come in?

ARES: Of course, Hera. (door) You’re looking radiant today.

HERA: Save the flattery for your future wife. Are the two of you ready?

ARES: Just about. Have to finish Aph’s make up and then quickly have her do mine. And we both need to get our wedding clothes on. So, not really, but we have time still.

APHRODITE: I think she meant mentally slash emotionally. To which the answer is: as ready as we can be.

HERA: It’s not–

APHRODITE: We both know it’s too late, Hera. We’ve made this spectacle, it’s time to give the people the show they want.

HERA: (sigh) You’re right, you’re right. But if you decided to run off I wouldn’t blame you.

ARES: I already offered to run away with her and she said no. We’re in it for the long haul, Hera. Fully committed to the bit. 

APHRODITE: Yeah. Can’t go running away now, not this close to the end. We’ll see it through and see what comes next.

HERA: If you’re sure. I’m going to go make sure everything is in place and then–

APHRODITE: Actually, Hera, can you do me a favor? Hephaestus is on her way and she’ll be looking for you and Dionysus. Can you just… Go grab her at the gate before the press can hound her?

HERA: Of course. I’ll leave the two of you to get ready.

ARES: How’d you convince Hephaestus to come?

APHRODITE: What makes you think it took convincing? (pause) Alright, it did, but not much. I just… I just had to ask. 

ARES: Well, I’m glad that there will be one more friend in the audience for you.

APHRODITE: Wait, that reminds me– hand me my bag? (rustling) She made these for us; the steel one is yours.

ARES: Oh, this is gorgeous! It matches our rings!

APHRODITE: Yeah, she said she wanted to do something more in her wheelhouse as a wedding present. That’s how I found out she thought she wasn’t invited to the wedding– as if I wouldn’t want her here.

ARES: Given her past with Olympus, I’m sure having verbal confirmation was appreciated. Alright, that’s your eye makeup done. Are you good to do your own lips or do you want me to put your lipstick on.

APHRODITE: Nah, I can get that. Let’s do your makeup first though. Still just want simple silver for the eyes, yeah? No liner?

ARES: Yeah, that sounds good. You’re not as good at doing wings as I am.

APHRODITE: Rude. But fair. (pause) We’re really doing this.

ARES: You saying it again isn’t going to make it less true. 

APHRODITE: But it might make me believe it more. Turn towards the light for me?

(shuffling)

ARES: How annoying do you think Zeus is going to be during the reception? More or less annoying than he’s been throughout this whole process.

APHRODITE: He’s physically incapable of being less annoying. But I don’t think he’ll be more annoying, at least not to us. He’ll probably be off making another mistake that someone else will be forced to correct, but that’s not our problem. (pause) Alright, done. Help me into my dress?

CALLIOPE: With our darling pair of friends finishing their preparations, I think we can jump a little further and enter the ceremony. To paint a picture for you, my dear listener, the wedding was taking place in a large amphitheater which was already packed to the brim with people. There were vendors selling food along the hilltop above the theatre, trying to make a quick buck as people waited for a glimpse of the bride and groom to be. In the center of the orchestra– where the ancient Greeks would perform their plays– was Zeus; he stood in front of a skene painted with flowers, smiling in a way that could only be described as menacing. Ares was the first to make his way down the steps of the amphitheater toward the orchestra; he paused to greet Hera at the bottom of the steps, requesting her blessing of the wedding.

And then Aphrodite came in.

Dear listeners, words can hardly describe the beauty that was Aphrodite in this moment, but I shall do my best to convey it anyway. Her dress was modern– as in contemporary to you, my dear listener, rather than the chitons of the Classics– white silk that elegantly fell to the curves of her body before trailing off into a train that caught each step as she went. If you didn’t know what to look for, you would think she looked as happy as could be. But there was a sadness in her eyes, as though she was walking into battle rather than walking into her wedding.

ZEUS: Citizens of Olympus. We are gathered here– in the greatest theatre since that at Epidaurus– to celebrate the marriage of Ares, our fierce and protective god of war, and Aphrodite, our beautiful goddess of love. This wedding has been blessed by Hera herself and will lead, I am certain, to a happy marriage and an even happier life together. For those who are not familiar with them, it may come as a surprise to see Ares and Aphrodite together; love and war, after all, are thought of as opposites and fundamentally incompatible. But, my dear Olympians, these two gods have been in love for longer than time itself can tell. They have been by each other’s sides through it all, and are finally joining their lives together officially in the eyes of Olympus. It is my understanding that the two of you have prepared words to exchange. Ares, if you would be so kind as to begin.

ARES: I have had the fortune of knowing Aphrodite for all of my life. Even as kids, we would play together and talk to each other and just exist in each other’s company. I will never forget the first time I saw her; everything in me was yelling ‘I’m going to marry her someday’. People grow up, they change, but instead of growing apart, me and Aphrodite grew together. Our lives fit together so wonderfully; there is nowhere she could go that I wouldn’t follow. Aph, you were my best friend long before I fell in love with you and you’ll be my best friend long after this wedding has passed. I love you dearly, and it’s an honor to be able to stand here with you, with our kind of love, and say that I will be your husband.

APHRODITE: Humans often say that you should marry your best friend. I’m lucky enough that I get to do that today. My entire life has revolved around love in all of its forms, but especially the romantic. I’ve seen relationships rise and fall; I’ve seen love so bright it could rival the sun and all of the stars; I’ve seen every love story from start to finish. Ares has been by my side through it all, every story I have seen unfold, he has seen too. He knows me better than anyone else, and I’m so lucky to know him in return. You’re my best friend, Ares. More than that, you’re my family. This just makes that an official title, but we’ve always known it to be true. I love you.

(softly, just for them) To our kind of love.

ARES: (just as soft) To our kind of love.

ZEUS: I shall now invite the goddess Hera to perform a formal blessing over the couple. Hera, my love, if you would be so kind.

HERA: I stand before you today, as your goddess of marriage, to offer my blessings to this couple. May they be the light in the darkness, the shelter in the storm, the home in the foreign land, the hand to be held, and the spirit to be shared. May their souls– spinning magic and eternal light– be bound to each other as they were always meant to be. May their days be filled with happiness and joy; may their difficulties be shared and easily carried. May the knowledge of what they mean to each other always remain wrapped in their hearts. I bless you both, Aphrodite and Ares, and hope that blessing will carry eternal happiness with it.

ZEUS: Thank you, darling. Now, the rings. Ares, after you.

ARES: Aphrodite, I give you this ring as I give you myself. All of me, for eternity.

ZEUS: And Aphrodite.

APHRODITE: Ares. I give you this ring as I give you myself. All of me, for eternity.

ZEUS: Citizens of Olympus! It is my honor and privilege to announce the goddess of love and the god of war as married. You may kiss.

CALLIOPE: Even a chaste press of lips was enough to send the crowd watching the wedding into a frenzy of cheers. If anyone noticed Aphrodite was crying, they simply would have assumed it was tears of joy.

ARES: Are you okay?

APHRODITE: I… I’ll be fine. Let’s just get out of here before we start getting swarmed please?

ARES: Parados, just to your left. It’s closer than the other one is and not nearly as blocked as the eisodos. 

APHRODITE: Thanks, Air.

CALLIOPE: We can take a moment to let the newlyweds breathe as they scamper off to the side entryway and out into the world once more. For now, we’ll focus in on Dionysus who has just slung an arm around Hermes’ shoulder.

DIONYSUS: How are you feeling?

HERMES: I’m fine, Dion. 

DIONYSUS: You don’t have to lie to me. 

HERMES: It’s… (sigh) It’s not a lie, not really. I’m fine. (pause) Their speeches were beautiful. Did you know he went to Hera for help with it? Did… Did you know that Hera knows? About my feelings for him?

DIONYSUS: I’m really sorry about that–

HERMES: No, I’m sorry, that was… I should’ve let you know that I know more tactfully. It’s really okay, Dion. I know you wouldn’t have told her on purpose, I just… She knows. And she feels sorry for me, as if she doesn’t have the worst end of the deal here. Married to Zeus while he– While he Zeus-es up the place. She deserves more than that.

DIONYSUS: You know that I can tell you’re deflecting by talking about Hera, right? If you don’t want to talk about it, just say so, but I’m… I don’t want you to bottle it up, Hermes. It’s not good to keep all your feelings inside like that.

HERMES: If I didn’t know that all of this was… what it is, I would definitely feel worse than I do right now. As it stands… Nothing’s changed, not really. He’s just as unobtainable as always.

(footsteps)

HEPHAESTUS: You gents mind if I join you?

DIONYSUS: Phae! I didn’t think you were actually going to come. 

HEPHAESTUS: Mom and I were trying to find you before the ceremony started but things were a bit crazy. It was… Nice, I guess. For what it is.

HERMES: You know too?

HEPHAESTUS: Aphrodite let it slip when I was designing the rings. It’s crazy to me that no one here suspects a thing.

HERMES: I mean, would you after those speeches?

HEPHAESTUS: I suppose you’re right. I still can’t believe that bastard Zeus did all of this to them though. And to spit in my mom’s face by performing the ceremony himself… He’s lucky I’m not willing to stay in Olympus long enough to kill him.

DIONYSUS: You can always make your move at the reception. Get him drunk enough that he won’t see it coming. (pause) Maybe that’s why your mom had me help her make an ambrosia fountain.

HEPHAESTUS: My mom had you build a what?

CALLIOPE: The first part of the wedding is over now, my dear listeners. The reception awaits upon your next return here. The end of the first act is almost at hand, we hope that you’ll join us for it. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.