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CALLIOPE: Would you believe me if I said we were three days out from the wedding? No? Well, we are. The final preparations are falling into place as we count down the moments until Aphrodite and Ares are wed.

Welcome, dear listeners, to Forged Bonds.

We rejoin our story in a place you may not expect: the office of the king of the gods. Zeus is pacing slightly frantically awaiting an arrival from our dearest messenger.

HERMES: You wanted to see me?

ZEUS: You’re late.

HERMES: Some of us actually do a job around here, you know.

ZEUS: I also have important things to do–

HERMES: (flatly) Like forcing my friend to get married, yes, I know. Why am I here, Zeus?

ZEUS: You’re a man of the people, aren’t you? Delivering messages for the gods has to come with some level of… Trust. Perhaps you overhear things that others wouldn’t question because you’re Hermes and you’re the pinnacle of discretion, yes?

HERMES: I suppose? What’s all this about?

ZEUS: Ares and Aphrodite’s wedding is approaching. Rapidly, even, as we’re days away now. Have you heard anything… interesting? Anything at all about the whole affair?

HERMES: (cautiously) People seem excited by the spectacle of it all. There hasn’t been a wedding of this magnitude since Hades and Persephone got married, and even then the reactions were more… negative. Everything I’ve heard has been generally positive. No one’s caught on to your little secret if that’s what you’re asking.

ZEUS: Good, good, my– Wait.

HERMES: You do realize that Ares and I are friends, right? And that I know Aphrodite isn’t in love with him? I understand why you went with the two of them for your cover up, really I do, but don’t expect me to play the fool when I’ve known what was going on.

ZEUS: I will tell you right now, Hermes: if you become a problem about this, you will be removed. I’ll let you fill in the rest of those gaps. I’ve worked too hard for this to become a scandal on top of a scandal; keep your mouth shut and you’ll be rewarded handsomely. Get in my way and you’ll never be heard from again.

HERMES: You can’t kill me.

ZEUS: There are fates worse than death.

HERMES: All of this to hide a little affair? Or was it something bigger than that. You know, it’s strange; there was one news story I saw the same day that the wedding was announced that just… seemed to disappear before I could get the papers where they were meant to go. Quite a big story to be brushed aside– a lot of people, in your home that you share with your wife, while she was on earth volunteering in a maternity ward–

ZEUS: I’d be mindful of what you say. I am not a threat to be taken so lightly.

HERMES: You’re right, at least, that I’m the pinnacle of discretion. If I weren’t… Well. (pause) I have no loyalties to you, Zeus. To Hera? Of course, but to you? Threaten me again and see what happens.

ZEUS: I’ve never known you to be so bold, Hermes. Perhaps Ares is rubbing off on you in more ways than one.

HERMES: It’s not like that.

ZEUS: But you want it to be, don’t you? You’re not the only one here capable of getting information, Hermes.

HERMES: Leave him out of this.

ZEUS: It’s a little hard to leave a man out of his own wedding, wouldn’t you say? (pause) Do we have an understanding, Hermes?

HERMES: (through gritted teeth) Yes.

ZEUS: Good good. If you could be so kind as to deliver this to Demeter, it would be appreciated. Pinnacle of discretion, right?

HERMES: Don’t you think you should wait even a little bit before fucking up your own plan? (sigh) Fine. Is that all?

ZEUS: I think that will be all. Take care, Hermes.

CALLIOPE: Before Hermes could make his way out of the home, he ran– quite literally– into Hera.

HERMES: Oh, Hera, I’m so sorry–

HERA: It’s fine, Hermes. Are you alright? You look a little upset.

CALLIOPE: It should be noted for the record that Hermes glanced back to Zeus’ door before shaking his head. 

HERMES: Not here.

HERA: Ah. Come on, we can talk in the kitchen. He won’t leave that office until nightfall. 

CALLIOPE: The two gods made their way into the kitchen, Hera shutting the door quietly behind them. 

HERA: So. What did my husband say to you that has gotten you so upset?

HERMES: Just… Stuff with the wedding. With Ares. 

HERA: Ah. Ares doesn’t know if that’s your concern. He’s sweet, but not the most observant. And even if Zeus did try to tell him, I doubt he’d take it to heart. 

HERMES: (groaning) Does everyone know? 

HERA: Oh definitely not. Dionysus accidentally let it slip to me and I think Zeus was listening in. I can assure you Dionysus didn’t mean to let it slip, we were talking about Hephaestus and how you’re trying to befriend her and then the wedding came up and– He wouldn’t have told me on purpose, I promise you.

HERMES: I know he wouldn’t have told you on purpose. Am I… Too obvious about it?

HERA: Honestly I think if you were more obvious we could have avoided this whole mess to begin with.

HERMES: It’s not like that.

HERA: (softly) I know, Hermes. I know. But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t have been if it was given the chance. 

HERMES: It was never going to be like that, Hera. I know that much for sure.

HERA: Oh Hermes… (they hug) I’m sorry.

HERMES: I’m sorry you have to deal with him. Not even finished plastering a news story over his scandal and he’s already– 

HERA: Ah. 

HERMES: I’m sorry, Hera. Truly.

HERA: I should have expected this, honestly. If there’s one thing I can count on Zeus for, it’s cheating on me. There’s nothing you could have done to stop him, Hermes. Especially not if he’s already at the sending letters stage; this has already been going on far longer than either of us know, I’m certain. 

HERMES: With Demeter though?

HERA: Honestly she should know better than to go with him, but if she wants to make mistakes, I can’t stop her. This isn’t the first time they’ve gotten together; there’s a reason everyone was questioning Persephone’s parentage. 

HERMES: Is she….

HERA: Luckily for her, no. Just a random mortal, actually. But that hardly makes for a story Olympus can sink its teeth into, does it? (pause) You should go and deliver his message.

HERMES: Are you certain?

HERA: Like I said, nothing you can do to stop it at this point. If anything, not delivering it just puts you at risk of Zeus’ anger. It’s not worth the trouble, Hermes. Go make the delivery.

HERMES: I… Alright. (pause) Hera? Let me know if you need anything? Please?

HERA: I’ll try my best.

CALLIOPE: As we leave Hermes to his deliveries, I shall direct your attention back to the home of Hephaestus– or, at the very least, just outside of it. She and Aphrodite are laying in the grass just outside the forge, talking quietly to each other. 

HEPHAESTUS: So. Last few days of single bliss.

APHRODITE: Ugh, don’t remind me (laughing) I can’t believe I have to marry my best friend. I can’t believe I have to marry anyone at all.

HEPHAESTUS: What, did you think you were never going to get married?

APHRODITE: I mean… Yeah? 

(shuffling)

HEPHAESTUS: You’re serious?

APHRODITE: Of course I’m serious.

HEPHAESTUS: But… People love you!

APHRODITE: That doesn’t mean I love people. (shuffling) I just… I don’t know. There’s never been anyone in my life that I could picture marrying. I know what love is supposed to feel like– I’ve created it between countless people, of course I know what it’s supposed to feel like. But I’ve never felt it for myself, not in that way that would make me want to marry someone. The closest I’ve ever gotten was with Ares, but that’s never really been it. It’s not the butterflies and the sparks that I’ve seen hundreds upon hundreds of times; it’s not the constant thoughts and the feeling of someone missing from me; it’s not… It just  not. And that’s okay, Ares is still lovely and in a perfect world, I’d be in love with him. But it’s not a perfect world. And we’re still getting married anyway.

HEPHAESTUS: Ah. You’re a bit like Dionysus. He also doesn’t do the whole romance thing, never has. He was really cut up about it for a while, but after talking about it, I think he’s in a much better place. Not everyone does the whole romance thing. I’m sorry I assumed you would.

APHRODITE: It’s not an unfair assumption, really. Goddess of love doesn’t fall in love with people? I wouldn’t believe it either. But… But yeah. I think it’s just… not in the cards for me. And that’s okay, I’ve made my peace with it. I still just… I worry that I’m asking Ares to give up too much, even if he’s assured me it’s okay. He’s my best friend, I don’t want us being married to ruin everything.

HEPHAESTUS: Listen, I don’t know Ares very well but if there’s one thing I do know it’s that he cares about you. Being married to him isn’t going to change that. I mean, he’s literally marrying you, Aph; you really think he’d go through with this if he wasn’t committed to caring about you in the long run? He’s a big boy, he can say no for himself, and he didn’t. Because he’s your best friend and he would do anything for you. 

APHRODITE: You seem so sure.

HEPHAESTUS: He’s your Dionysus. And Di would never stop caring for me; I know Ares would be the same for you.

APHRODITE: Yeah. Yeah you’re right. Gods, this stupid wedding just needs to be over already so I can actually process this guilt and move on from it.

HEPHAESTUS: Actually, hold that thought! I’ve got something for you.

CALLIOPE: Hephaestus dashed back into the forge, leaving a confused but intrigued Aphrodite in her wake. She ran back out quickly, skittering to a stop in front of Aphrodite with her hands behind her back, kneeling down next to her friend.

HEPHAESTUS: Close your eyes.

APHRODITE: Are you going to stab me or something?

HEPHAESTUS: Or something. Just close your eyes, Aph. Please.

APHRODITE: Fine, fine. Closing my eyes.

(shuffling)

HEPHAESTUS: Okay… Now… Open.

CALLIOPE: In front of Aphrodite were two daggers. The first was a black steel blade with a bronze handle, small hearts carved into the hilt of it. There was a ruby at the base of the hilt, cut in a rectangle like the one on Aphrodite’s wedding ring. The other dagger was made of quartz, polished until shining and magically reinforced to be able to cut without breaking. The hilt of the dagger had braided bits of gold and silver circling around it, a similarly cut ruby at the base. Aphrodite took in both daggers with a sense of awe.

APHRODITE: These… These look like our wedding rings.

HEPHAESTUS: Yeah. I- I wanted to make you something special that was a little bit more practical than a ring is but still incorporated those elements. Ares’ is battle ready and yours– well, it’s not battle ready but it could stab a man without breaking. I’ll be honest, these were way easier to make than the rings– I mean, the rings weren’t hard but they were completely out of my wheelhouse. But daggers? Daggers I could make all day any day and you said you liked my work before and– (Aphrodite hugs Hephaestus fiercely) Oof!

APHRODITE: They’re beautiful, Phae. Gods, they’re gorgeous! You made this for me? And for Ares? I… Thank you. I can’t believe I get to own a piece of Hephaestus-forged weaponry now! I’ve wanted this for… Forever, maybe. Definitely since the first time I saw your work, but I hardly needed it for anything. 

HEPHAESTUS: I was going to give them to you at the wedding but–

APHRODITE: Yeah, you’re mom would’ve killed me–

HEPHAESTUS: Since I’m not going–

APHRODITE: Gods, can you imagine her– What do you mean you’re not going?

HEPHAESTUS: Oh, I, um. Well. I just figured…

APHRODITE: Just figured what? (pause) Is this because you’re worried about how people on Olympus will treat you? Because as long as you’re with your mom you’ll be at the front of it all and shouldn’t have to deal with anyone.

HEPHAESTUS: No, it’s not– Well, it’s not entirely that.

APHRODITE: Then what is it?

HEPHAESTUS: I guess I just figured I wasn’t invited.

APHRODITE: Why wouldn’t you be invited?

HEPHAESTUS: Because I’m me?

APHRODITE: Phae… Gods, I’m doing this all wrong. Of course you’re invited. More than that, I want you there. If you don’t want to come, that’s one thing, but… But you’re my friend, Hephaestus. You’re my friend and I would be honored if you would come to my wedding. The wedding may be fake, but our friendship isn’t and so you should be there. If you’re comfortable.

HEPHAESTUS: …You really want me there?

APHRODITE: Of course I do.

HEPHAESTUS: …Yeah. Yeah alright, I’ll go.

APHRODITE: Really?

HEPHAESTUS: What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t go to your wedding? Even if it’s all a scam to get the press of Zeus’s back, it’s still a wedding. Still your wedding. It would be an honor to go.

APHRODITE: It would be an honor to have you there. Seriously, Phae. An honor. (pause) Gods, I should’ve asked you about this earlier, not three days before–

HEPHAESTUS: It’s not like I have to get anything extravagant to wear or anything. Actually, I think I still have the tux from when Di and I did the Catchelor–

APHRODITE: The Catchelor?

HEPHAESTUS: …We got dressed up and then got drunk and had a dating show for his cats. Jaggerbomb and Pinot are still married, actually– that’s not the point. The point is I have a tux and can wear it to your wedding so it’s fine that you let me know now.

APHRODITE: (laughing) Well, that’s good to know. So, tell me more about these cats.

CALLIOPE: And that, my dear listeners, is where we’ll leave you for today. When we next speak, the wedding will be here and the curtain will start to descend on the first act of our story. Until next time, and as always, thank you for listening.